11 Modern Dating Terms Everyone Should Understand

Dating looks very different today than it did before social media and dating apps were a thing. Now there’s a whole vocabulary around it, and it’s confusing for a lot of people. Navigating modern dating can sometimes feel like trying to crack a tricky code, so we gathered terms that are most frequently used and did the decoding for you. Here are 11 dating terms you might struggle to understand and what they mean:

---

Ghosting

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Elle Louise Mcbride (@ellelouisemcbride)

Despite being relatively new to the modern dating vocabulary, this term is now pretty universally used. In fact, it was added to the Merriam-Webster dictionary in 2017, and is now used in everyday language to apply in non-dating situations. But just in case you’re still not sure about the term, imagine you’re having a great time with someone, texting every day, making plans, and then—bam—they disappear. 

No explanation, no goodbye. That’s ghosting. It’s basically ending a relationship by cutting off all communication out of the blue. People usually do this because they want to avoid the awkwardness of a breakup conversation. It’s a way to dodge responsibility and leaves the ghosted person feeling confused and sometimes hurt. It’s a jarring experience, but ultimately, they’re doing you a favor by taking themselves out of your life.

Benching

Benching is when someone keeps you on the sidelines, like a backup plan. They text you just enough to keep you interested, but never enough to actually move things forward. Usually, this means that they’re not ready to commit to a relationship, but they also don’t want to let go of the possibility. In other words, it’s a selfish way of keeping their options open. By benching you, this can sometimes lead to a situationship where the other person doesn’t quite understand where they stand in the relationship. Either place, benched or in a situationship, is no place to be.

Situationship

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Talia Koren | Dating Podcast (@dating.intentionally)

Speaking of situationships, a situationship is like a relationship’s indecisive and allegedly very confused cousin. Usually, it involves being in a sexual relationship but not officially exclusive or committed in a formal relationship. Although plenty of situationships claim exclusivity while being open to the possibility of another relationship, the hurtful part is that usually one party doesn’t disclose when they have dated or slept with another person until the other party inevitably finds out.

Situationships often come about when one or both people want to enjoy the perks of a relationship but without committing to it. It’s a way to keep things flexible, but it leaves room for misunderstandings and hurt feelings. It also creates a cop-out when one party violates an agreement but can claim, “We weren’t in a committed relationship.”

Breadcrumbing

Breadcrumbing is when someone leads you on with small, inconsistent bits of attention. They might flirt, send a late-night text, or make vague plans, but nothing ever really materializes. It’s similar to benching, but the difference is that, with breadcrumbing, they give you the bare minimum attention to make you think they’re interested, for the purpose of stringing you along. This behavior gets them the attention they like, and they don’t mind playing with someone’s feelings to get it.

Stashing

Stashing is when someone is dating you but keeps you hidden from the important people in their life. They don’t introduce you to friends or family, and avoid posting about you on social media. This can mean that the person isn’t serious about the relationship, or they want to keep their options open. It means they don’t plan on being with you long-term or don’t see you as “the one.” If you’re in this kind of situation, remember: you deserve much better.

Zombieing

Just when you thought they were gone for good, they rise from the dead—welcome to zombieing. This happens when someone who ghosted you suddenly reappears in your life, acting as if nothing happened. Zombies often come back because they’re curious if you’re still interested, or they want to see if they can still get your attention. It’s confusing and not worth your time.

Slow Fade

The slow fade is ghosting’s sneakier sibling. Instead of disappearing all at once, they gradually pull away, reducing communication bit by bit until it eventually fades to nothing. People use the slow fade when they want to avoid confrontation but can’t bring themselves to ghost someone outright because that’s too abrupt. It’s a way to end things quietly, hoping you’ll just get the hint instead of having an actual conversation about it. 

Fleabagging

Inspired by the TV show “Fleabag,” fleabagging is the habit of consistently choosing the wrong partners; people who are bad for you or who don’t align with your values and needs. If you find yourself fleabagging, it could mean that you have unresolved issues or are struggling with your self-esteem. People choose the partners they think they deserve, so if you’re consistently choosing the wrong person, it could be time to take a break from dating and sit down with yourself for some introspection.

Kittenfishing

Kittenfishing is a lighter, “cuter” version of catfishing. It’s when someone presents an exaggerated or slightly false version of themselves online, like using heavily filtered photos or stretching the truth about their interests or achievements. People kittenfish because they want to make the best possible first impression, but it’s still lying. There’s really nothing like being authentic and honest about who you are.

Mooning

Mooning is when someone uses the ‘Do Not Disturb’ feature on their phone to avoid someone’s calls or messages without actually blocking them. It’s a sneaky way to ignore someone while keeping the door slightly ajar. This is yet another way to distance themselves from someone without having to talk to them or explain why they’re not interested. It’s passive-aggressive and immature.

Orbiting

Orbiting is when someone stops directly communicating with you but continues to engage with your social media—liking your posts, watching your stories—and keeping themselves in your orbit without any real interaction. Orbiters like to keep the connection alive without making any real effort, so they’re the masters of sending mixed signals. If someone makes you constantly wonder if they’re still interested, they might be orbiting you. 

Modern dating terms can be confusing, but once you catch the drift, it gets easier to navigate things. Whether you’re dealing with ghosters, benchers, or breadcrumbers, the key is to recognize these behaviors and decide what you’re willing to tolerate. Remember, you deserve clear communication and respect in any relationship!