Sylvia Mendez: The First Latina to Go to an All-White School

Mother’s Day is a day meant to honor and celebrate the special bond we share with our mothers or mother figures. The holiday is celebrated on the second Sunday of May in the U.S. and in some Latin American countries, like Cuba, Chile, Colombia, Puerto Rico, Ecuador, Honduras, and Venezuela. However, some Latina mothers celebrate the holiday twice, depending on where they’re from. For example, mothers of Mexican, Guatemalan, or Salvadoran descent will also observe Mother’s Day on May 10, so it’s a double celebration for them. Argentina, Costa Rica, Nicaragua, Bolivia, Dominican Republic, Paraguay, and Panama have their own dates as well.

Usually, Mother’s Day is all about connecting with our mothers and pampering them throughout the day. For many Latina daughters, though, it’s not a happy occasion. Mother’s Day can be very complicated when your relationship with your mother is not a healthy one and you’ve made the decision to break or diminish ties with her. That’s the reality for many Latinas who have prioritized their own mental health and well-being by creating solid boundaries.

Marianismo often plays a role in difficult mother-daughter relationships. Rooted in Christianity, or rather the Roman Catholic beliefs the Spanish indoctrinated their newly conquered native subjects with during colonialism, marianismo is the other side of machismo. It defines gender-based expectations for Latin American women and it’s deeply ingrained in Latino culture. It’s because of marianismo that Latina women are taught from a young age that they have to be submissive, self-sacrificing, and pure. In other words, they have to be quiet instead of loud, weak instead of strong and are consistently discouraged from being independent, sexual, opinionated, and a host of other empowered traits.

The idea behind marianismo is to be more like the Virgin Mary, a figure that’s considered to be the epitome of purity and goodness. Whether the messaging is subtle or explicit, marianismo in the Latino household imposes a narrow concept of what it means to be a woman and it reinforces powerlessness. It’s important to note that marianismo is not a burden every Latina carries, but many of them do.

In Latin American countries, society helps reinforce marianismo. In the U.S., things are slightly different, which is why first-generation immigrants break away from it more effectively. But this sometimes also means breaking away from their mothers, who often refuse to confront their harmful marianismo beliefs.

There’s no denying that the mother-daughter bond is one of the most important in a woman’s life. For Latinas in particular, mothers are highly influential figures in our lives. But what if your relationship with your mother is toxic and complicated? In Latino culture, it’s taboo to say anything negative about our mothers. Being critical of them means you’re “ungrateful,” but the truth is that some mothers fail their daughters. Especially in helping them foster an independent sense of self. Some mothers want their daughters to be a certain way instead of allowing them to be their own person, which is why they’re often critical and overly demanding.

Many Latinas have grown up with mothers who are too comfortable pointing out their flaws or dictating how they should be or act. This leads to constant opposition and a constant struggle to just be yourself. It makes many Latina daughters feel that who they are at their core is not good enough and fosters self-doubt at a level that affects everything else in their lives. Even as adults, we want our mothers to approve of us and love us for who we are, but there comes a time when enough is enough. There’s only so much toxic criticism one can take.

This is what leads many Latina daughters to cut ties with their mothers, however painful that may be. Needless to say, estrangement is frowned upon in the Latino community because we place a lot of value on family. “It doesn’t matter what we do to each other, at the end of the day, we’re family.” That’s the kind of mindset most Latinos have, but it’s neither healthy nor realistic. The way we treat each other matters and being related doesn’t mean we can get away with harmful behavior.

In general, estrangement is seen as extreme and as a problem in itself. However, for many, estrangement is the solution and the relief they’ve been searching for. Make no mistake, the dilemma Latina daughters are often faced with is unsolvable. Choosing between having a relationship with your mother and doing what’s best for your own life isn’t as easy as it seems. However, it’s often the only thing left to do after you’ve tried everything else to have a better relationship with your mother.

There comes a point where you’re better off without them in your life. That’s a harsh truth to face because, even if estrangement is what’s best for you, you both lose something. But for many Latinas, that loss is a new beginning. It’s a weight lifted off their shoulders and a deep sigh of relief. It’s sad and tragic that it has to end that way, but it’s better than the alternative of maintaining that toxic mother-daughter relationship.

On a larger scale, estrangement can help the Latino culture heal in the long term. Setting boundaries with our families, which isn’t something we’re encouraged to do in the Latino community, means we’re no longer letting abuse slide. The romanticization of family bonds and self-sacrifice doesn’t have the same hold. Rejecting that romanticization and rejecting marianismo is a way to help break the cycle.

Intergenerational emotional and psychological abuse has to be confronted and, sometimes, extreme measures are the only way to help the older generation face their harmful beliefs and values, and reframe what needs to be reframed. Setting boundaries is a shock to the system; a shock that lets our mothers and everyone else in our families know what kind of behavior isn’t acceptable anymore and never should’ve been in the first place. After that, the ball is in their court. They can either adapt or lose the privilege of being a part of your life.

While, for some, Mother’s Day is a celebration of the bonds they share with their mothers, for others, it’s a reminder of the breaking of those bonds. Whatever side you’re on, remember that love and respect is a two-way street.

One thing about adult women is that most, if not all, can report having had terrible dates, and are trying to avoid them whenever possible. More importantly, in their quest for companionship, women are simply trying to stay safe out there. Statistically speaking, men’s violence against women is the biggest threat to their safety and well-being. Looking at domestic violence stats alone, 1 in 4 women have experienced severe physical violence from an intimate partner. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1 in 3 Latinas will experience intimate partner violence in their lifetime.

Femicide is no longer an issue that mostly affects low-income communities or foreign countries, and that hasn’t been the case for over twenty years. A 2002 global study found that among 25 of the highest-income countries in the world, the United States only had 32% of the female population, yet shockingly, accounted for 70% of all female homicides that occurred in those 25 countries. In 2021, the femicide rate in the U.S. was found to be at 2.9 per 100,000 women. It’s also worth noting that the United States lacks an effective way of defining, tracking, and documenting femicide. This lack of an accurate classification in the criminal justice and public health systems is a big hurdle in getting the full scope of the femicide problem in the U.S.

On an expanded global scale, an estimated 47,000 women and girls were killed by intimate partners or family members in 2020 alone. That means one woman or girl is killed somewhere in the world every 11 minutes. In 2021, the Bureau of Justice Statistics showed that the percentage of women murdered by an intimate partner was 5 times higher than for males. Men are also victims of domestic abuse and violence but at a significantly lower rate than women.

Psychological violence is also a significant problem for women, with nearly half of all women (48.5%) in the U.S. experiencing psychological aggression from a partner in their lifetime. The statistics are objectively terrifying. However, the overwhelming majority of women don’t need to know the stats to feel unsafe; they live the stats every day of their lives.

The recent viral conversation of Man vs. Bear is an indicator of how universal the fear of men is among women. The hypothetical question posed by the pop culture account Screenshot HQ has been liked 2.2 million times and has 72 thousand comments.

When men were asked if they would rather their daughters be stuck in the woods with a man or a bear, many chose the bear as well. Why? Commentators have noted that men are unpredictable and are more likely to be a bigger threat than wild animals. Women are choosing the bears not because they think they would actually survive a bear attack but because men attack women unprovoked and for reasons that are often associated with the mere fact of just being a woman and nothing else.

The Dating Hellscape

Dating is an emotional risk for both men and women; that’s clear. For women, however, the safety risk is undeniably greater than for men. In a world where dating has largely shifted into virtual spaces where all you have to go on is a few phrases and some photos, there’s no real way to determine if a man “looks” violent at worst or is a lying manipulator at best.

When Paola Sanchez launched the group “Are We Dating the Same Guy?”, women in the millions flocked to the groups. To date, there are over 200 Facebook groups with over 4 million members worldwide. Sanchez describes the groups as “Red Flag Awareness groups around the world where women can empower each other and keep each other safe from dangerous or toxic men.”

It’s a simple premise that has resulted in significant controversy, especially as stories of leaked posts that led to harassment and even violence from the men who found out about them emerge. There are also emotional and legal issues that some women have had to contend with as a result of their posts.

While the title of the group implies that the focus is on avoiding dating the same guy who is cheating with multiple women, the focus of most conversations is actually on discussing dating experiences. Women use these spaces to share red flags, post men’s dating profiles showing the first name only and photos (doxing is prohibited), and share their stories in hopes of saving other women from bad dating experiences, falling for catfishing and lies, cheating, catching sexually transmitted diseases, or encountering potentially dangerous men. Many women have, indeed, been saved from all of these things, which is why the groups are so popular.

Ever since the AWDTSG groups entered the scene, many men have actively opposed the groups, claiming they’re toxic spaces where gossip thrives. Some of the claims have led to consequences for men in real life, such as losing relationships, being questioned by employers, and more. They have also led to consequences for women, who have been confronted by men they’ve discussed in the groups. Some have even been sued.

On one hand, critics of the groups have argued that it’s very difficult to verify what every person posts on the AWDTSG groups and that some women may have reasons to fabricate stories. Also, mental health practitioners have noted that a Facebook group likely isn’t the best space to discuss traumatic dating or relationship experiences. On the other hand, there are thousands of testimonials from members of the groups that have said the information they found saved them from unsavory experiences in the dating scene. Women have also reported cutting off men whom they were social friends with after they found out about instances of alleged abuse or misbehavior.

The Legal Battles and Outcomes

One of the men affected by the AWDTSG groups decided to sue. Stewart Lucas Murrey sued over 50 women in California for defamation, alleging sex-based discrimination and civil conspiracy. However, a judge recently dismissed the lawsuit against one of the women, Vanessa Valdez, who filed an anti-SLAPP motion arguing against censorship. Despite Murrey’s claims, the judge found no evidence of conspiracy and ruled in favor of free speech, emphasizing the importance of protecting women's security against harassment. Murrey vowed to continue his legal battle, but legal experts note the difficulty of defamation lawsuits, especially in cases involving online speech.

'Are We Dating The Same Guy' lawsuit press conferencewww.youtube.com

This isn’t the first defamation lawsuit made against women from an AWDTSG group. In Chicago, Nikko D'Ambrosio filed a lawsuit against 27 women over an allegedly defamatory post stating he sent harassing messages to women and was otherwise just a really low-quality and selfish person to date. D'Ambrosio's attorneys argued his reputation was damaged and sought intervention from Facebook and Meta. This lawsuit was eventually dismissed.

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But as reported by “Tech Dirt,” “apparently D’Ambrosio is the kind of guy who won’t take no for an answer… Even from judges. He’s apparently the kind of guy that when his number gets blocked or his case gets thrown out, he’ll just text from a different number or file a brand new case.” D’Ambrosio refiled his case to attempt to relitigate whether his status as a serial ghoster is in fact warranted.

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When an overwhelming amount of women are choosing bear over men in hypothetical woods, and groups like “Are We Dating the Same Guy?” aren’t only racking up the legal wins but also racking up their number of members, it’s a good indication that AWDTSG isn’t going anywhere. If anything, women will likely continue to band together in search of safe spaces, despite the potential risk of leaks, lawsuits, and being confronted by the men they expose.

In a world where women’s claims of harassment or abuse by men are consistently ignored, dismissed, or simply not believed, women are protecting each other, attempting to fulfill the lack of societal protections, and carrying the feminist legacy of consciousness-raising groups.

Latinas come from various backgrounds and have unique stories to tell. We encompass a rich tapestry of cultures, histories, and life experiences. Unfortunately, despite this beautiful diversity, we often face persistent stereotypes that limit and objectify us, reducing our identities to sexualized and exotic caricatures. These stereotypes have far-reaching effects on the Latina community, influencing our personal lives, careers, and overall place in society.

Sexualization and fetishization are separate but interconnected issues. Sexualization refers to the reduction of a person to their sexual attributes or capacities, essentially objectifying them. Fetishization involves objectifying a person and attributing stereotypical or fantastical traits to them based on their racial or ethnic background.

As Latinas, we frequently find ourselves confronted with a pervasive stereotype that has come to be known as the "spicy Latina." This stereotype portrays us as hypersexual, passionate, hot-blooded, loud, and intense individuals, and is often accompanied by a strong, “exotic” accent, reducing our complex identities to a superficial and sensationalized caricature. The "spicy Latina" stereotype contributes to the harmful fetishization of Latinas, as assumptions about our supposed "passion" or "fire" are used to justify and perpetuate our objectification as mere sexual objects.

The fetishization of Latinas is further exemplified by distressing statistics. In 2022, the term "latina" ranked as the 4th most searched keyword in the adult film industry. This serves as a stark reminder of how our ethnicity is reduced to a sexualized fantasy, reinforcing the objectification and devaluation we face.

This persistent sexualization and fetishization can have far-reaching implications for our personal and professional lives:

The sexualization and fetishization of Latinas have profound and wide-ranging consequences that extend into our personal lives, professional endeavors, and the broader fabric of society. To confront and address these issues, we need to actively dismantle harmful stereotypes, foster inclusivity, and create a more equitable world for not only Latinas but all marginalized communities.

A critical step is to demand media representation that defies and shatters stereotypes. We need to see Latinas depicted in diverse roles that highlight our complexity as individuals with unique stories and experiences. By challenging the narrow narratives often imposed upon us, we can promote a more authentic and nuanced understanding of Latinx identities.

Advocating for Latin American history and culture to be integrated into education is equally important. By ensuring that people learn about the real lives and rich backgrounds of Latinas, we can cultivate understanding, appreciation, and respect for our heritage.

By openly discussing the problems of sexualization and objectification, we can challenge people's attitudes and foster positive change in societal perceptions. It is through dialogue, education, and empathy that we can shift societal norms and foster a climate of respect and equality.

In the end, it's important that we empower ourselves and our fellow Latinas to speak out against stereotypes and discrimination. Creating safe and inclusive spaces where our voices are heard, acknowledged, and respected is essential for progress. Together, we can uplift one another, amplify our voices, and assert our right to be treated with dignity, respect, and equality. These fundamental principles should be extended to every individual, regardless of their background or identity.

Contrary to what many Americans believe, Cinco de Mayo isn’t Mexico’s Independence Day. May 5 is a date that commemorates the military victory of the Battle of Puebla, where Mexican troops held off invading French forces in 1862. It was a surprising victory because the French were one of the most powerful armies in the world, so their forces were much more formidable. That’s why the Battle of Puebla has become a powerful underdog story of triumph over adversity and it made a big difference, especially for Mexicans living in California.

Outside of Puebla, Mexico doesn’t widely celebrate Cinco de Mayo, but in the U.S., things are very different. Mexicans have upheld the celebration, making it an integral part of their culture. Every year, over 500 cities in the U.S. celebrate Cinco de Mayo, and Los Angeles stands out among them because they always go all out. The day is celebrated with parades, street fairs, block parties, mariachi competitions, and more.

However, as time has gone on, Cinco de Mayo has become wildly Americanized, which in this case is a synonym for commercialized. The holiday is now less about the history behind the date and what it means for Mexicans, and more about consumerism. For most Americans, Cinco de Mayo is tacos and beer day, but they don’t even know what the holiday stands for.

With nearly endless access to information at one’s fingertips nowadays, ignorance is an excuse that no longer holds much weight. If they cared enough about the culture to educate themselves, they would. Americans’ celebration of Cinco de Mayo is not only shallow, but also hypocritical, as Mexican immigrants, Mexican Americans, and Latinos are generally facing an increase in hostility from some in the dominant white community, and crime rates are now reflecting an increase in hate crimes.

The aggression against Mexicans has even been exported to their own soil, with reports of U.S. tourists and migrants in Mexico and other Latin American countries attempting to diminish or fundamentally change their traditions and culture.

At the time, the United States was going through its Civil War, so France’s intervention in Mexico posed an issue. According to the Monroe Doctrine, a U.S. policy, European colonization or puppet monarchs were actively resisted, but the Union was focused on the ongoing war. If they did nothing and Puebla came under French rule, Napoleon could establish trade with the Confederacy. On the other hand, sending help to Mexico could help France establish an alliance with the Confederacy. This is how the Battle of Puebla became intersected with the broader American context.

Despite being outnumbered by at least 2,000 French soldiers, Mexican forces led by General Ignacio Zaragoza triumphed at Puebla, intensifying their sense of patriotism. In California, Mexicans saw this victory as a symbol of a shared struggle for democracy and liberty. The defeat of the French was a big blow to the Confederacy's hopes of support from a French-controlled Mexico, which gave the Union a boost.

The victory, however, was short-lived. The French re-grouped and, a year later, defeated 29,000 Mexicans and made their way to Mexico City, where they attempted to establish a second empire. Not to be deterred, Mexican forces continued fighting and took down an estimated 11,000 French troops with their guerrilla tactics. The French withdrew from the country in 1867 as it faced threats from Prussia in Europe and America if they didn’t withdraw.

Over time, the symbolism of the first Battle of Puebla intersected with bigger movements in the U.S., such as the fight for civil rights. This is one reason Cinco de Mayo isn’t just about Mexican pride, it’s also about the contributions Mexicans and Latinos have made to U.S. history.

Chicano activists in the 60s and 70s revitalized Cinco de Mayo as a symbol of Indigenous Mexican resistance and a call for social justice. However, in recognition of the holiday’s potential to profit from the Latino community, a demographic that has been consistently growing in the U.S., big businesses, especially beer companies, started commercializing Cinco de Mayo. The commercialization started in the 80s and, since then, it has muddled the true meaning of the holiday.

The Commodification of Latino Culture