In The Community
What is Gaslighting?
Photo by Keira Burton
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation designed to make a person question their own reality. The term comes from the 1938 play "Gas Light" (later adapted into films), where a husband subtly manipulates his wife into believing she’s losing her mind. He does this partly by dimming the gas lights in their home and denying any change when she notices. In real life, gaslighting isn’t just about small deceptions; it’s about control. The gaslighter—whether a partner, friend, family member, or boss—uses denial, contradiction, and distortion of reality to wear down the victim’s confidence in their own thoughts, memories, and perceptions.
It’s important to understand that gaslighting isn’t just an occasional lie or disagreement. It’s a sustained, intentional effort to make someone doubt themselves, creating confusion and dependence on the manipulator. And the effects? They can sneak up on you, leaving lasting scars long after the gaslighting has stopped. Here are 7 seven ways gaslighting can quietly wreak havoc on your mental and emotional well-being:
It Deteriorates Your Mental Health
Photo by Liza Summer
At first, you might brush off small incidents of gaslighting as misunderstandings. But over time, constant manipulation can chip away at your mental health. Victims of gaslighting often experience heightened anxiety, depression, and even PTSD. When someone repeatedly tells you that your feelings are overreactions, that events didn’t happen the way you remember, or that you’re “too sensitive,” you start questioning yourself. The result? Persistent self-doubt, emotional exhaustion, and a sense of worthlessness that can make everyday life feel overwhelming.
It Creates Cognitive Dissonance
Photo by Liza Summer
Gaslighting creates a kind of mental tug-of-war known as cognitive dissonance, which is when your brain struggles to reconcile two conflicting realities. One part of you knows what happened, but the gaslighter insists you’re wrong. That’s why you may find yourself caught in endless internal debates: “Did I really say that? Maybe I am overreacting. Am I remembering this wrong?” This constant questioning drains your energy and can make you feel like you’re losing touch with reality.
It Erodes Your Self-Esteem
Photo by Liza Summer
Imagine being told over and over that you’re irrational, forgetful, or just plain wrong. Even the most confident person would start to waver. That’s how gaslighting slowly erodes self-esteem, making victims feel incompetent and incapable of making their own decisions. You might start apologizing excessively, second-guessing yourself, or relying on the gaslighter’s validation for everything. Over time, you stop trusting yourself entirely, and that’s exactly what the gaslighter wants.
It Also Makes It Difficult for You to Trust Others
Photo by Keira Burton
One of the cruelest effects of gaslighting is that it doesn’t just make you distrust yourself—it makes you distrust everyone. After being manipulated so often, you may struggle to believe people’s intentions or even your own instincts. You might find yourself asking for excessive reassurance, avoiding new relationships, or feeling unsure of who to trust. The lasting damage leads to a sense of isolation and fear that can make rebuilding your support system incredibly difficult. But it’s not impossible, especially not with the support of a mental health professional and the people who truly love you.
It Causes Physical Symptoms of Stress
Photo by Polina Zimmerman
Your mind and body are deeply connected, so it’s no surprise that emotional abuse like gaslighting can take a physical toll. Chronic stress and anxiety from gaslighting can manifest as headaches, digestive issues, muscle tension, and sleep disturbances. You might find yourself constantly exhausted, battling unexplained stomach problems, or experiencing frequent panic attacks. The longer the gaslighting continues, the worse these physical symptoms can become.
It Leads to Isolation and Dependence on the Gaslighter
Photo by Sofia Alejandra
Gaslighters are often skilled at cutting their victims off from friends, family, and support systems. They might subtly (or not-so-subtly) suggest that others don’t have your best interests at heart, that your friends are talking behind your back, or that your family “doesn’t understand you.” Over time, you may become more isolated, whether by choice or because the gaslighter has convinced you that they’re the only one you can rely on. The more isolated you become, the harder it is to recognize the manipulation for what it is and break free.
It Makes a Long-Term Psychological Impact But You Can Heal
Photo by cottonbro studio
Even after leaving a gaslighting relationship—whether it’s a toxic romantic partner, a controlling boss, or a manipulative family member or friend—the effects don’t disappear overnight. Many survivors continue to struggle with decision-making, second-guessing themselves, and fearing they’ll be manipulated again. Healing takes time, and rebuilding trust in oneself is a process. One that will make you stronger by the end of it. It will also provide the tools for you to recognize manipulative behavior if you ever encounter it again and protect yourself.
- Does Emotional Manipulation Lurk within Our Family's Expression of Love? ›
- Understanding Gaslighting, Lovebombing, and Other Manipulative Tactics ›
Poor Sleep Hygiene: The Silent Mood Killer
Photo by cottonbro studio
If you’re constantly waking up groggy and feeling like you never really rested, your sleep hygiene might be to blame. Over 36% of adults in the U.S. don’t get enough sleep, and nearly half of Americans report feeling sleepy throughout the day. But here’s the kicker: a lack of sleep doesn’t just make you tired; it can also increase anxiety, irritability, and even depression.
To help fix this, aim for a consistent sleep routine. Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, even on weekends. Your bedroom should be a sleep-friendly zone—cool, dark, and quiet. And if you’re scrolling through TikTok or answering emails in bed, stop! The blue light from screens messes with your body's natural sleep-wake cycle, making it harder to wind down.
Excessive Social Media Use
Photo by Nathan Dumlao on UnsplashSocial media can be a great way to stay connected, but it can also be a never-ending highlight reel of other people’s seemingly perfect lives. Studies show that social media users often feel jealous when comparing themselves to others online. This constant exposure can fuel anxiety and depression, and even disrupt your sleep.
A simple fix? Set time limits on your social media use and take breaks throughout the day. Try an “electronic Sabbath” once a week, where you unplug from all devices for a few hours. Instead of doom-scrolling, use that time to read, take a walk, or actually talk to people face-to-face. Also, clean your social media feeds to mind your mental health. Follow people who inspire you and you can see yourself in instead of people who trigger comparisons.
Procrastination: The Stress Multiplier
Photo by Anna Tarazevich
Procrastination is a stress trap. The longer you avoid a task, the bigger and scarier it seems. And that looming to-do list? It weighs on your mind, draining your energy and making you feel overwhelmed.To tackle procrastination, start small. Break big tasks into bite-sized chunks so they feel more manageable. Try the Pomodoro Technique—work for 25 minutes, then take a 5-minute break. Prioritizing tasks and getting the hardest one out of the way first can also help you build momentum and avoid last-minute panic.
Your Inner Critic Needs a Reality Check
Photo by Alex Green
If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, why say it to yourself? Negative self-talk—things like “I’m not good enough” or “I always mess things up”—can chip away at your confidence and mental well-being. Over time, this can fuel anxiety and depression, making even small challenges feel insurmountable.
Instead of surrendering to them, challenge those negative thoughts. When your mind starts spiraling into self-doubt, ask yourself: Is this actually true, or am I assuming the worst? Replace critical thoughts with affirmations like I’m doing my best or I can learn from this. It may feel awkward at first, but reworking your internal dialogue can seriously shift your mindset.
Lack of Exercise: Movement is Medicine
Photo by Fitsum Admasu on UnsplashExercise is one of the most effective natural mood boosters, so engaging in it isn’t just about fitness. Studies show that regular movement reduces anxiety, depression, and stress while improving self-esteem and cognitive function. But when life gets busy, exercise is often the first thing to go.
The key is finding movement you actually enjoy. You don’t have to hit the gym every day. You can dance in your kitchen, take a brisk walk, or do a quick yoga session. Even just 15-30 minutes of physical activity can make a difference. Bonus: fresh air and sunlight can boost your mood even more.
Unhealthy Eating Habits
Photo by Brett Jordan on UnsplashWhat you eat impacts your body and your brain. Diets high in processed foods, sugar, and unhealthy fats can lead to sluggishness, mood swings, and increased anxiety. Meanwhile, nutrient-rich foods like fruits, veggies, whole grains, and lean proteins support brain health and help stabilize your mood.
An easy way to improve your diet would be to plan your meals ahead of time to avoid reaching for junk food in a pinch. Stay hydrated (dehydration can actually make you feel tired and irritable), and aim for balance rather than perfection. Small changes—like swapping soda for water or adding more greens to your plate—can have a big impact over time.
Alone Time Turned Into Social Isolation
Photo by Dollar Gill on UnsplashAlone time is great, but too much isolation can lead to feelings of loneliness and even depression. Human connection is essential for mental well-being, and social isolation can create a vicious cycle because, when you’re feeling down, you’re less likely to reach out, and that can make you feel even worse.
The fix to avoid alone time turning into social isolation is to prioritize connection. Even if you don’t feel like socializing, push yourself to send a text, make a phone call, or meet a friend for coffee. Join a club, take a class, or volunteer—anything that helps you engage with others. Building relationships doesn’t have to be overwhelming; small interactions can make a big difference.
You Focus Too Hard on Perfectionism
Photo by Mizuno K
There’s nothing wrong with aiming high, but perfectionism can be a major source of stress and anxiety. When you set impossible standards for yourself, even your best efforts can feel like failures. The result? You’re constantly dissatisfied and afraid to make mistakes.
Instead of chasing perfection, focus on progress. Set realistic goals and remind yourself that mistakes are part of growth, not proof of failure. Learning to embrace imperfections can actually make you more productive, creative, and mentally resilient.
You’re Constantly Restless
Photo by Photo By: Kaboompics.com
You know the feeling: one moment you’re sipping your coffee, the next you’re bouncing your leg uncontrollably or fidgeting with whatever's in your hand and can’t sit still. That burst of energy coffee provides can sometimes tip into overdrive, leaving you feeling jittery instead of focused. This is a common sign that your caffeine intake is too high and it’s overwhelming your nervous system. If this sounds familiar, try easing off gradually. Relying more on caffeine-free drinks is a great way to reduce your caffeine intake without giving up your coffee entirely. Over time, you’ll still enjoy it but with fewer of the nervous side effects.
Your Heartbeat Is Running Away from You
Photo by Arina Krasnikova
Caffeine is a stimulant, and one of its immediate effects is an increased heart rate. In excess, caffeine sends your heart racing, which can feel very similar to a panic attack. It’s a physical reaction, but it can be mentally unsettling, especially if you’re prone to anxiety. To keep your heart rate steady, start keeping a caffeine diary. Logging your consumption can help you identify patterns and understand how much is too much for your body. Awareness is the first step toward a calmer, steadier coffee experience.
Your Digestion Isn’t Great
Photo by Sora Shimazaki
Coffee is known for waking you up, but it can also wake up your stomach in ways you might not appreciate. Excessive caffeine can lead to nausea, cramping, or general discomfort, which can feel like anxiety if you’re already on edge. If your stomach gives you trouble when you enjoy a brew, consider switching to green or herbal tea for most of your caffeine needs. These types of tea are gentler on the digestive system while still providing a warm pick-me-up.
You Have Concentration Issues
Photo by Kampus Production
While coffee is famous for improving focus, too much of it can actually have the opposite effect. Instead of sharpening your mind, excessive caffeine can make your thoughts scatter, leaving you feeling overwhelmed and unable to concentrate, thus leading to anxiety. This is especially true when your energy levels spike and crash in quick succession. To prevent this, set a caffeine curfew for yourself. For example, you can stop drinking coffee after 2 PM and stick to caffeine-free alternatives after that point. This can help you avoid late-day crashes and also ensure your brain has time to stabilize before bedtime.
Your Sleep Quality Is Poor
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio
Caffeine can stay in your system for hours, and if you’re sipping late in the afternoon, it might still be buzzing around when you’re trying to sleep. Poor sleep doesn’t just make you tired, it contributes to your anxiety, creating a vicious cycle. The solution? Prioritize a good night’s rest by limiting coffee to the morning hours. To give yourself the best possible chance, establish a relaxing bedtime routine that will help you get a restful sleep.
You Have a Sensitive Stress Response
Photo by Michael Heise on UnsplashEver feel like every little thing stresses you out? That could be because caffeine can amplify your body’s natural reaction to stress. If you consume it in excess, it can make minor challenges feel overwhelming. It’s not just in your head—caffeine stimulates the release of stress hormones like cortisol, which can leave you on edge. Combat this by incorporating regular exercise into your routine. Physical activity naturally lowers stress levels and boosts your energy, reducing your dependence on caffeine to stay alert.
Your Muscles Feel Tense
Photo by Kindel Media
If your shoulders feel like they’re permanently hunched or your jaw is tight, your coffee habit could be partly to blame. Too much caffeine can cause your muscles to tense up, leading to discomfort that you can easily mistake for anxiety. To avoid this tension without giving up on coffee, balance your caffeine consumption with decaf. This easy swap allows you to enjoy your coffee routine without overwhelming your body with caffeine’s stimulating effects.
Coffee doesn’t have to be the enemy, but it’s worth paying attention to how much of it you consume and how it’s affecting you. If any of these signs resonate with you, making small adjustments can make a big difference. You don’t have to quit coffee altogether; you just need to find the balance that works for you.
The information provided in this article is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or treatment.
- Juan Valdez's Story and the Worldwide Success of Colombian Coffee ›
- 10 Signs You’re Drinking Way Too Much Coffee ›
