What Is Gaslighting? and 7 Effects That Sneak Up on You

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation designed to make a person question their own reality. The term comes from the 1938 play "Gas Light" (later adapted into films), where a husband subtly manipulates his wife into believing she’s losing her mind. He does this partly by dimming the gas lights in their home and denying any change when she notices. In real life, gaslighting isn’t just about small deceptions; it’s about control. The gaslighter—whether a partner, friend, family member, or boss—uses denial, contradiction, and distortion of reality to wear down the victim’s confidence in their own thoughts, memories, and perceptions.

It’s important to understand that gaslighting isn’t just an occasional lie or disagreement. It’s a sustained, intentional effort to make someone doubt themselves, creating confusion and dependence on the manipulator. And the effects? They can sneak up on you, leaving lasting scars long after the gaslighting has stopped. Here are 7 seven ways gaslighting can quietly wreak havoc on your mental and emotional well-being:

It Deteriorates Your Mental Health

At first, you might brush off small incidents of gaslighting as misunderstandings. But over time, constant manipulation can chip away at your mental health. Victims of gaslighting often experience heightened anxiety, depression, and even PTSD. When someone repeatedly tells you that your feelings are overreactions, that events didn’t happen the way you remember, or that you’re “too sensitive,” you start questioning yourself. The result? Persistent self-doubt, emotional exhaustion, and a sense of worthlessness that can make everyday life feel overwhelming.

It Creates Cognitive Dissonance

Gaslighting creates a kind of mental tug-of-war known as cognitive dissonance, which is when your brain struggles to reconcile two conflicting realities. One part of you knows what happened, but the gaslighter insists you’re wrong. That’s why you may find yourself caught in endless internal debates: “Did I really say that? Maybe I am overreacting. Am I remembering this wrong?” This constant questioning drains your energy and can make you feel like you’re losing touch with reality.

It Erodes Your Self-Esteem

Imagine being told over and over that you’re irrational, forgetful, or just plain wrong. Even the most confident person would start to waver. That’s how gaslighting slowly erodes self-esteem, making victims feel incompetent and incapable of making their own decisions. You might start apologizing excessively, second-guessing yourself, or relying on the gaslighter’s validation for everything. Over time, you stop trusting yourself entirely, and that’s exactly what the gaslighter wants.

It Also Makes It Difficult for You to Trust Others

One of the cruelest effects of gaslighting is that it doesn’t just make you distrust yourself—it makes you distrust everyone. After being manipulated so often, you may struggle to believe people’s intentions or even your own instincts. You might find yourself asking for excessive reassurance, avoiding new relationships, or feeling unsure of who to trust. The lasting damage leads to a sense of isolation and fear that can make rebuilding your support system incredibly difficult. But it’s not impossible, especially not with the support of a mental health professional and the people who truly love you.

It Causes Physical Symptoms of Stress

Your mind and body are deeply connected, so it’s no surprise that emotional abuse like gaslighting can take a physical toll. Chronic stress and anxiety from gaslighting can manifest as headaches, digestive issues, muscle tension, and sleep disturbances. You might find yourself constantly exhausted, battling unexplained stomach problems, or experiencing frequent panic attacks. The longer the gaslighting continues, the worse these physical symptoms can become.

It Leads to Isolation and Dependence on the Gaslighter

Gaslighters are often skilled at cutting their victims off from friends, family, and support systems. They might subtly (or not-so-subtly) suggest that others don’t have your best interests at heart, that your friends are talking behind your back, or that your family “doesn’t understand you.” Over time, you may become more isolated, whether by choice or because the gaslighter has convinced you that they’re the only one you can rely on. The more isolated you become, the harder it is to recognize the manipulation for what it is and break free.

It Makes a Long-Term Psychological Impact But You Can Heal

Even after leaving a gaslighting relationship—whether it’s a toxic romantic partner, a controlling boss, or a manipulative family member or friend—the effects don’t disappear overnight. Many survivors continue to struggle with decision-making, second-guessing themselves, and fearing they’ll be manipulated again. Healing takes time, and rebuilding trust in oneself is a process. One that will make you stronger by the end of it. It will also provide the tools for you to recognize manipulative behavior if you ever encounter it again and protect yourself.