Does Emotional Manipulation Lurk within Our Family's Expression of Love?

an image of young woman and an old woman eating at the table

It's a typical Friday night, and you're sitting down to dinner with your family. The room is filled with laughter and a sense of togetherness. It's one of those treasured family moments that should leave you feeling uplifted. But somehow, after this seemingly ordinary get-together, you can't help but feel a bit off. There's something about the way things unfolded that leaves you feeling guilty and down. Sound familiar?

Emotional manipulation isn’t just a plot device in romance novels; it lurks within the fabric of our daily interactions, often with the ones closest to us.


What is emotional manipulation?

Emotional manipulation refers to the tactics used by individuals to gain control or power over others by exploiting their emotions, vulnerabilities, and insecurities. It involves the use of subtle or overt tactics to influence, guilt-trip, or coerce someone into behaving or thinking in a certain way. Emotional manipulators often employ tactics such as guilt-tripping, gaslighting, withholding affection, playing mind games, or using passive-aggressive behavior to achieve their desired outcome.

We've all heard variations of these typical phrases that echo in our ears: it could be your mom, her voice filled with a mixture of love and bitterness, telling you, "Lo hago porque te quiero" ("I do it because I love you"), after scolding you relentlessly for a mistake. Sometimes, she’ll add a dramatic flair by saying, "Ya verás cuando me muera" ("You'll see when I'm gone") as if warning you that you’ll regret whatever it is you’re doing when they die - a very manipulative a morbid manipulation tactic that’s used often in Latino families.

A father can be guilty of justifying their controlling decisions with the words, "It's for your own good," while diminishing your freedom and independence. And if you do something your family has deemed rebellious enough, they'll probably remind you, "After everything we've done for you, this is how you repay us," as you recall how they sacrificed their own dreams for the sake of the family. The guilt slowly creeps in.

Abuelas, with all their love and wisdom, might often say something like, "I already had three kids when I was your age. When will you settle down and start a family?" ignoring your unique circumstances and choices, making you feel inadequate for not meeting their dated expectations. Even siblings can get in on the game, guilt-tripping each other with lines like "If you loved me, you'd do it" ("Si me quieres, lo harías"). And so the list goes on, and I bet you have a thousand more examples swirling in your mind by now.

Despite our loved ones claiming they do this with the best of intentions, these seemingly innocent phrases we hear in some Latino households can have a very profound, negative impact on our mental well-being. They become like double-edged swords, cutting deep into our emotions and trying to coerce us into sacrificing our own wants and needs for the sake of family unity. These phrases often come from a place of love, yet they end up reinforcing the idea that love is all about control and discipline. And as we grow older, we carry these twisted beliefs with us, mistakenly thinking that manipulation is a form of love in our adult relationships.

What many end up learning, though, is that you don't owe anyone the sacrifice of your dreams, values, or emotional well-being. Emotional manipulation, regardless of its cultural context, is wrong. You are not responsible for fulfilling others' expectations or conforming to outdated cultural norms. Your happiness and authenticity matter.

We must challenge the notion that love should come at the expense of our autonomy and happiness and recognize that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, and genuine care, not on guilt trips. It's a tough feat, but breaking free from the cycle of emotional manipulation and setting healthy boundaries within our families can help us redefine what love and family truly mean.

Addressing emotional manipulation within the Latino community is no easy task. It's like trying to untangle a complicated knot. It requires sensitivity, understanding, and patience. But we can start by having open and honest conversations about emotional manipulation, helping each other recognize the thin line between healthy emotional exchanges and subtle manipulation, especially since many of our older family members may not have been taught to recognize these patterns themselves.

Even though some had tough upbringings, it’s up to each individual to decide where the cycle stops. It's crucial to pass this awareness on to the next generation so they don't confuse love, unity, and loyalty with control, guilt, or fear. They can grow up understanding their feelings, needs, and rights rather than being molded by manipulative phrases and norms. Equipped with self-awareness, self-esteem, and emotional intelligence, they will be able to identify manipulation, safeguarding their emotional well-being and paving the way for healthier relationships.

Bottom line is: stop tolerating and justifying emotional manipulation under the guise of love.

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Have you ever met someone who seems overly confident, self-centered, or even downright rude? Maybe they constantly talk about themselves, disregard your feelings, or even manipulate situations to their advantage. And, if you're anything like us and countless other Latinas, you might've thought, is this person just a purebred a**hole, or are they a narcissist?

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Image by Sayuri Jimenez.

Nathalie Molina Niño has never been one to shy away from breaking barriers, and now, she’s focusing her attention on a new mission: demystifying corporate boardrooms for women, especially Latinas. Molina Niño is the President of Known, an asset management and financial services firm, a veteran tech entrepreneur and builder capitalist, and a board member at the iconic lingerie Brand, Hanky Panky, and others.

Like many corporate boards, Hanky Panky hadn’t publicly disclosed its board composition until recently. After the brand survived the challenges of the COVID-19 pandemic, Molina Niño decided it was time for more women, specifically more Latinas, to know what it means to be on corporate boards.

Coincidentally, the decision to finally be more vocal about this topic aligned with the start of Hispanic Heritage Month, which served as the perfect kick-off to the work.

"Something that rarely gets talked about and I think almost gets kept opaque by design is boards,” she explains in a recent Instagram announcement. “[This Latinx Heritage Month], that’s what I’ll be talking about.” Her goal? To equip more Latinas with the knowledge they need to navigate onto for-profit boards, where they can thrive and build multi-generational wealth.

For-profit corporate boards often feel like an exclusive club. And in many ways, they are, especially for Latinas, who hold the smallest percentage of board seats in Fortune 500 companies compared to other racial groups. According to the latest report from Latino Board Monitor, while Latinos hold 4.1% of these board seats (compared to 82.5% held by white people), only 1% go to Latinas. Molina Niño, a first-generation American of Ecuadorian and Colombian descent, is part of this boardroom minority.

When asked about her experience as a Latina board member during a recent Zoom interview, she said, “It’s been lonely. There’s not a lot of Latinas on boards.” She went on to explain that even serving on boards of Latina-founded businesses gets lonely because, “A lot of the times, people who serve on their boards represent their investors and, as a result, [...] you still don’t see a lot of Latinas on those boards.”

This lack of representation drives Molina Niño’s determination to increase Latina presence in corporate boardrooms. By sharing her insights, she hopes to give Latinas a roadmap to claim their seats at the table. “If you don’t know where to go, it’s impossible to figure out how to get there,” she says.

The Road to the Boardroom

Getting onto a for-profit corporate board isn’t an overnight achievement, but it’s not an unattainable dream either. People often think you need to be a CEO or have a certain type of background, but that’s one of the biggest myths about boards in Molina Niño’s experience. What they’re really looking for is expertise — whether that’s in finance, marketing, sustainability, or even technology. If you have that expertise, you’re already an asset. It’s simply a matter of which road you should take.

Understanding what boards are and how they operate is key to unlocking opportunities. For-profit boards serve as the governing body for companies, overseeing direction and financial stability, and guiding CEOs and executives in decision-making. But Molina Niño emphasizes that not all for-profit boards are created equal.

“There are two kinds [of for-profit boards] [...]. There’s the publicly traded business board and then, on the privately held side, there are, I would argue, two types of boards [...] the traditional business board and the venture-backed business board,” explains Molina Niño. Traditional businesses are often family-owned or long-established and may only form boards to meet requirements, like securing financing or transitioning through an ESOP. Venture-backed boards, on the other hand, are typically filled by investors who hold major stakes in the company.

According to Molina Niño, understanding the difference between them is how you can create a successful strategy. With publicly traded business boards, the whole world is privy to them, so, “The way that you get in there is a little bit more transparent. Sometimes those publicly traded companies will hire a recruiter to help them find new board members,” explains Molina Niño. For private companies, on the other hand, there’s no legal requirement to make announcements. As a result, most people don’t know anything about them or their inner workings.

“Usually what happens in traditional businesses that don’t have venture-capital investments is that the Founders, Executives, or the board members, if one existed already, they usually go to their friends,” and people they deem experienced to fill board seats. In other words, it’s the founder’s decision, and that’s an entirely different approach than hiring recruiters. When it comes to venture-backed business boards, the seats on the board are filled by whichever investor writes the biggest check.

This is why an understanding of the different types of boards and acknowledgment of their own strengths is what will help Latinas define a sound strategy. Whether that’s working with a recruiter, networking and connecting with founders to build trust, or making the biggest investment.

The Path for Latinas

For Molina Niño, the key to getting more Latinas into corporate boardrooms is education. Knowing what a board looks like and how it functions is how you can position yourself to get on it. In openly talking about this, without the mystique it’s usually shrouded in, Molina Niño is providing women, especially Latinas, with invaluable insights. “If we had Latinas understanding what are the three types of for-profit boards I think that, on their own, they would be able to figure out what their best chance is and adjust their careers to make themselves more competitive,” states Molina Niño.

When asked about the impact of increased Latina representation in boardrooms, Molina Niño flips the narrative. “Boards don’t help Latinas by offering them seats; Latinas help businesses thrive by being on their boards,” she says. “The whole point of sitting on a board is that you have experience and expertise, and as Latinas, you also have some cultural experience that everyone wants. [...] At the end of the day, we [Latinas] have to realize that we have a ton to offer and we have to be selective about where we put that expertise,” she explains.

As demand for access to the Latina consumer rises, Molina Niño predicts that more Latinas will find themselves recruited into boardrooms. But she’s not content to sit back and wait for that moment. By openly sharing her journey and insights, she’s making sure other Latinas know their worth and have the tools to claim their place at the table. “I realized that quietly being on boards that helped me personally is not helping other Latinas. [...] I was lucky enough to have friends who could advise me and share their experiences, so that’s why I’m doing this,” she stated.

With Hispanic Heritage Month as the backdrop, Nathalie Molina Niño’s mission is clear: “My goal is just to give Latinas enough information so they can make a plan for how to eventually get on a board that they’re paid to be on and that will eventually help them build generational wealth.”

flags of latin american countries fly behind performers wearing culturally traditional clothing

Ever noticed how September in Latin America is just one big celebration? As we wave goodbye to summer and avoid winter as long as we can, the streets come alive with parades, music, and festivities. Many Latin American countries celebrate their freedom this month, commemorating their hard-fought battles for independence from colonial domination. Let’s dive into these significant days and understand what makes each unique.

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