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Here's the thing, there's a big difference between the two and it’s important to be able to distinguish between rude and even selfish behavior and narcissistic abuse. We can get over rudeness, but narcissistic abuse can cause long-term harm that can be difficult to recover from and leave us forever changed.
What is Emotional Manipulation in Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
Emotional manipulation is the narcissist’s primary weapon. We've all met the occasional jerk - someone who might be blunt, insensitive, or even obnoxious. They might not care much about your feelings or needs at the moment, but that doesn't necessarily make them narcissists. A jerk can have a bad day, be unaware of their behavior, or simply lack some social graces.
A narcissist, on the other hand, is someone who meets at least five of the nine criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
The DSM-5 states that in order to be clinically diagnosed with NPD, a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and that present in a variety of contexts, must be shown by at least five of the following:
- Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g. - exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
- Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
- Believes that he, she, or they are “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
- Requires excessive admiration
- Has a sense of entitlement (i.e. - unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations)
- Is interpersonally exploitative (i.e. - takes advantage of others to achieve their own ends)
- Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
- Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of them
- Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
It’s important to understand that this is a deeper issue than just occasional bad behavior. It's a consistent pattern of self-serving behavior with no regard for the harm they are causing others.
Imagine the classic telenovela villain – always plotting, scheming, and manipulating. But in real life, emotional manipulation isn't always that obvious. A narcissist can play the victim, guilt-trip you, gaslight, or make you doubt your own feelings and perceptions.
They know how to pull the strings, often making you feel like you're the one who is always to blame for their bad behavior. They are notorious for manipulating you with surgical precision, and no matter how many receipts you present, they will never take accountability for any of their behavior.
This is worth noting because the narcissist will make you feel like you’re losing your mind and that perhaps it actually is you who is the problem - it’s not you.
Remember this sage advice: "No todo lo que brilla es oro.” Just because someone comes across as charming doesn't always mean they have good intentions. Their charm is just another emotional manipulation tool in their narcissist toolbox. It’s disarming and very effective.
Emotional Manipulation and Latino Culture
In Latino culture, where family and relationships are deeply valued, there’s a unique vulnerability to emotional manipulation. Concepts like 'familia' and 'respeto' might sometimes make it harder to set boundaries or recognize manipulation, as it’s common for us to put others before ourselves.
- Machismo & Marianismo: Traditional gender roles can play into these dynamics. While 'machismo' demands dominance from men, 'marianismo' dictates that Latina women be submissive and sacrificial. A narcissist might exploit these norms to manipulate or control their partners.
- La Familia Above All: In many Latino families, there's an emphasis on maintaining family unity, even at personal costs. A narcissist might manipulate this sentiment, making it challenging for Latina women to distinguish between genuine concern and emotional control.
- Religion and Spirituality: Deep-rooted spiritual beliefs might be used against someone. A narcissistic partner may misuse religious teachings, portraying their manipulative actions as 'for the greater good' or for 'family's sake.'
The cultural focus on communal connections can sometimes mask or justify narcissistic behaviors. But it's essential to recognize that standing up for ourselves doesn't mean we're betraying our values. Saying, “I refuse to put up with this,” is the most self-respecting and self-loving thing to do, despite how incredibly difficult it feels.
Recognizing Emotional Manipulation
Emotional manipulation by a narcissist can be subtle, which is why it’s so dangerous. Oftentimes, you don’t even recognize that it’s happening. Some signs include:
- Gaslighting: Making you question your reality or memories. This can be particularly impactful for Latina women who already juggle between cultural worlds.
- Playing the Victim: They might twist stories so that they’re always the victim, pushing you into a caregiver or fixer role, which many Latinas might feel culturally compelled to adopt.
- Using Love as a Weapon: They might offer affection conditionally or withhold it to get what they want, manipulating the value of deep passion and love.
There’s a myriad of other emotional manipulation tactics they might use; all of which you can check out in detail here.
Protecting Yourself and Healing from a Narcissist
When it comes to safeguarding yourself, the journey kicks off with one pivotal aspect: awareness. It's all about recognizing that the norms we hold dear in our cultures can sometimes be twisted and misused. This realization forms the bedrock, but what follows are some down-to-earth tips that can really make a difference:
First up, education. Delving into what makes up Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) equips you to spot its signs early on. It's like having a secret weapon of insight.
Next, seeking support. Friends, family, or even groups of women who've walked similar paths, can be a beacon of light, helping you sort through your doubts and questions.
Then there's therapy, a space to navigate the labyrinth of emotions. A therapist, especially one who understands the nuances of our Latino background, can offer invaluable guidance in recovering from a narcissistic abuser. Many therapists agree that recovering from a relationship with a narcissist is one of the hardest types of relationships to recover from because the pain and confusion feel overwhelming. As noted, the behavior is hard to identify, and victims tend to blame themselves and continue to suffer long after the relationship is over.
Last but definitely not least, setting those boundaries. Setting boundaries isn’t just encouraged, it's important. Despite the weight of cultural expectations, standing up for your own well-being and drawing a line in the sand is a literal line of protection against further abuse.
Social media post shared by myexisanarcissistandimadeitout on Instagram
Social media post shared by myexisanarcissistandimadeitout on Instagram
Armed with these tools you have the power to avoid narcissistic abuse, or you may realize that you’re a victim of abuse and cutting off or minimizing your exposure is the only way out. As always, remember you're strong, capable, and worth more than what the narcissist has expertly made you believe.
The road to recovery can feel long, but eventually, you get to the other side and a newer, healthier you is awaiting your arrival.
Here are 3 reasons why some are now asking themselves if dual citizenship in Mexico is the way to go, and how to go about doing it.
Abortion isn’t Criminalized
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Mexico made headlines when the Mexican Supreme Court declared it was unconstitutional to punish abortion, throughout the entire country. As of September 7, 2021, abortion was no longer a crime in Mexico, although its legalization varied by state. Mexico made headlines yet again on September 6, 2023 when the Mexican Supreme Court declared all laws prohibiting abortion unconstitutional and took the additional step of removing abortion from the federal penal code.
This is in stark contrast to the U.S., where states have been slowly but effectively taking away access to abortions and reproductive healthcare one draconian law at a time even before the fall of Roe v Wade in 2022. If you’re ever in need of abortion healthcare, Mexico is now a refuge for women.
Mexico’s Supreme Court ruling is a triumph for women and activists who joined the Latin American reproductive rights movement, the Marea Verde, which has successfully been gaining access to abortion and an expanded feminist rights agenda throughout Latin American countries.
Animals are Safe and your Products are too
black and white short coated dog with orange collarPhoto by benjamin lehman on UnsplashFor many years, various industries killed and tortured animals for the sake of beauty cosmetics and products, but no more. Mexico’s Senate passed a federal bill in 2021 that bans animal testing for cosmetics. This law also banned importing cosmetics tested on animals from other countries. Mexico is now the first North American country to prohibit cosmetic animal testing.
But Mexico had already been passing animal welfare legislation for years. In 2017, the Mexican government passed a federal ban on dogfighting and as of 2022, there's only one state, the state of Chiapas, that has yet to criminalize the mistreatment of animals, including dog fighting, in its local criminal code.
Byeeeeee colonialist Christopher Colombus!
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So what’s the Citizenship Process?
If you don’t want to give up your U.S. nationality to become a citizen, then apply for dual citizenship with Mexico. Dual citizenship allows a person to be a citizen of two countries at the same time. It allows you to work, attend school, vote, have a Mexican passport, own property, and other benefits that are country-specific. On May 18, 2021, the Human Rights Bill, allowed people who are of Mexican descent but born in the U.S. the ability to officially be a Mexican national without having to be born in Mexico.
In Mexico, the Secretaria de Relaciones Exteriores (SRE) begins the citizenship process. First, you must verify that you meet all requirements for Mexican citizenship. Whether that be residency requirements or claiming nationality through either of your parents. The second step is completing the application provided and submitting any needed paperwork. Mexico’s consulate requires your U.S. birth certificate, your parents’ Mexican birth certificates, and proof of identification. All the documents must be consistent and have no errors that need to be corrected. This will all show your lineage to Mexico and why Mexican citizenship should be granted.
Once the fee is paid, the application will be processed. If approved, the applicant is granted dual citizenship. The next step, if your citizenship is approved, is to now apply for a Mexican passport.
There is no set time for how long the process can take, but it is estimated to take months.
As of 2019, nearly 10.9 million Mexican-Americans live in the U.S and the Human Rights Bill that was passed is opening doors to the possibility of not only living bi-culturally but also bi-nationally. No more having to choose a culture or even choose countries – you can have them both, and with all the recent progressive change occurring in Mexico, why not?
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