Are We Dating the Same Guy?: Facebook Groups with 4 Million Members Continue Winning Legal Challenges

One thing about adult women is that most, if not all, can report having had terrible dates, and are trying to avoid them whenever possible. More importantly, in their quest for companionship, women are simply trying to stay safe out there. Statistically speaking, men’s violence against women is the biggest threat to their safety and well-being. Looking at domestic violence stats alone, 1 in 4 women have experienced severe physical violence from an intimate partner. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1 in 3 Latinas will experience intimate partner violence in their lifetime.

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The Dating Hellscape

Dating is an emotional risk for both men and women; that’s clear. For women, however, the safety risk is undeniably greater than for men. In a world where dating has largely shifted into virtual spaces where all you have to go on is a few phrases and some photos, there’s no real way to determine if a man “looks” violent at worst or is a lying manipulator at best.

When Paola Sanchez launched the group “Are We Dating the Same Guy?”, women in the millions flocked to the groups. To date, there are over 200 Facebook groups with over 4 million members worldwide. Sanchez describes the groups as “Red Flag Awareness groups around the world where women can empower each other and keep each other safe from dangerous or toxic men.”

It’s a simple premise that has resulted in significant controversy, especially as stories of leaked posts that led to harassment and even violence from the men who found out about them emerge. There are also emotional and legal issues that some women have had to contend with as a result of their posts.

While the title of the group implies that the focus is on avoiding dating the same guy who is cheating with multiple women, the focus of most conversations is actually on discussing dating experiences. Women use these spaces to share red flags, post men’s dating profiles showing the first name only and photos (doxing is prohibited), and share their stories in hopes of saving other women from bad dating experiences, falling for catfishing and lies, cheating, catching sexually transmitted diseases, or encountering potentially dangerous men. Many women have, indeed, been saved from all of these things, which is why the groups are so popular.

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Ever since the AWDTSG groups entered the scene, many men have actively opposed the groups, claiming they’re toxic spaces where gossip thrives. Some of the claims have led to consequences for men in real life, such as losing relationships, being questioned by employers, and more. They have also led to consequences for women, who have been confronted by men they’ve discussed in the groups. Some have even been sued.

On one hand, critics of the groups have argued that it’s very difficult to verify what every person posts on the AWDTSG groups and that some women may have reasons to fabricate stories. Also, mental health practitioners have noted that a Facebook group likely isn’t the best space to discuss traumatic dating or relationship experiences. On the other hand, there are thousands of testimonials from members of the groups that have said the information they found saved them from unsavory experiences in the dating scene. Women have also reported cutting off men whom they were social friends with after they found out about instances of alleged abuse or misbehavior.

The Legal Battles and Outcomes