Unmasking Toxic Love: Novelas and Distorted Romance

Graphic design featuring characters from a Latin soap opera set against a backdrop of a cautionary yellow tape bearing the word 'warning'.
Luz Media

One day, after being relentlessly bullied by some kid in elementary school, I went to my mom to complain about the situation, only to be met with an excuse I will probably hear for the next 10 years of my life, “te molesta porque le gustas”…excuse me, WHAT?


Now, at the time, it made perfect sense. Of course he’s bullying me because he likes me! Because “del odio al amor solo hay un paso,” everyone would say. And when I was younger, I would believe it. After all, every depiction of a romantic relationship I saw at the time seemed to confirm that a little bit of violence here and there was peak romanticism.

I remember watching the telenovela “Rebelde” and idolizing Mia Colucci and Miguel Arango’s relationship. It made me feel all fuzzy inside seeing them together. Since I’m a huge nostalgia junkie, I decided to go back and rewatch the entire thing again now that I’m 27. Needless to say, I was utterly impactada as I watched. What the heck, sis?! That dude literally tried to KILL YOU!

Miguel violently shakes and threatens to throw Mia off a cliff. Then, this doesn’t get addressed again for the entirety of the telenovela. Ok, cool.


Intrigued by the shocking revelations I was having by rewatching “Rebelde” and realizing Miguel is likely an undiagnosed sociopath or, at the very least, has some sort of psychological pathology going on, I began taking a closer look at all my teenage crushes, and it all started to make sense.

Ranging from possessive, manipulative douchebags that hide under the mask of being a “good guy” (I’m looking at you, Noah Calhoun from “The Notebook”) to gaslighting psychos that control your entire life and sneak into your room to watch you sleep without your consent (Edward Cullen from “Twilight” was in its own league, really), I realized I was doomed from the start if mainstream media for tweens like me at the time was my main source of information about the real world, which it totally was.

Conventionally attractive male characters who are controlling, jealous, or possessive are often depicted as “romantic” or “passionate” rather than abusive. At the same time, the women who are being mistreated may be shown as “putting up with it” for the sake of love. Add a bit of misinterpreted Catholicism into the mix with the idea that true love forgives and withstands everything and that, for some reason, it has to hurt, and we get a very distorted perception of what a healthy relationship looks like, which unknowingly led me to accept or excuse unhealthy behavior in my own relationships. It was all I ever saw.

Unequal power dynamics, where the man has control over a woman’s life in one way or another, like being their boss, teacher, a much older man, or someone with more money or influence than them, were painted as the ultimate love story. Take, for instance, Don Armando humiliating, abusing, and manipulating Beatriz Pinzón in “Yo Soy Betty, La Fea” only to end up with her, an outcome even the actor himself has said was absolutely wrong.

In reality, when one partner has more power than the other, they may use that power to control, manipulate, or dominate the other person. This inequality can quickly become physical, emotional, sexual, or financial abuse. Heck, the most blatant forms of abuse are even shown onscreen and STILL romanticized! In “Amor Real,” Manuel beats Matilde on more than one occasion, and they’re somehow still given a happy ever after. Are we going to address that or…? (TRIGGER WARNING)

Amor Real Manuel golpea a Matildewww.youtube.com

Trauma bonding is what happens when an individual becomes obsessed with their abuser, although it is never called that way or addressed at all in most depictions of abusive relationships. It's thought that being in a state of constant fear can result in an excessive release of opiates—a natural painkiller—in the brain. In turn, this state can cause feelings of euphoria or elation while also increasing endorphin production and decreasing adrenaline levels. As a result, victims may become so accustomed to their abuser's mistreatment that they develop a dependence on their continued presence in order to feel normal again. This is often confused with that wild, intense, passionate love we see onscreen. It's not love, it's trauma.

Considerable and often concerning age gaps were also heavily romanticized and supported by the fallacy that “women mature faster than men” to make it seem less creepy. I mean, no one batted an eye when Vivian Ward ended up with Edward Lewis, who is 18 years her senior, in “Pretty Woman.” And I could go on endlessly about the Hollywood age gap. These depictions can create a societal expectation that such relationships are normal and acceptable. They make it difficult for women in these types of relationships to recognize that there may be power imbalances at play. As Demi Lovato said in one of her latest songs:

“Thought it was a teenage dream, a fantasy.
But it was yours, it wasn’t mine.
Seventeen, twenty-nine.”

Unfortunately, after years of being brainwashed into watering myself down to cater to a male fantasy of an "ideal woman," I found out that abuse is not at all romantic the hard way; the way many women do, and some don’t even make it out alive. These skewed ideas of what love or passion looks like have taken years to unlearn, and despite making progress as a society toward identifying and calling out this toxic behavior, some of the most iconic onscreen couples still follow this harmful blueprint of abuse, Nate Jacobs and Maddy Pérez from “Euphoria” being the first that comes to mind.

It is essential to be critical of the media we consume and to remember that media portrayals of relationships are not always reflective of real-life relationships. Healthy relationships should be based on mutual respect, trust, and open communication. If you or someone you know is in a toxic relationship, it’s important to seek help and support. This can include talking to a therapist or counselor, reaching out to a domestic violence hotline (but let’s remember that not all abusive behavior is physically violent), or confiding in your closest friends or family members.

Just remember that you deserve to be in a healthy and happy relationship and that help is always available.

Protestors at women's march stand behing a banner that reads "we are still the resistance"
Photo Courtesy of the Women's March

On January 18, 2025, Washington, D.C., will once again become a hub of public dissent with The People’s March, hosted by Women’s March. This demonstration comes at a historic moment, just days before Donald Trump begins his second term as president. Framed as a collective stand against policies that organizers see as harmful to equality and justice, the march aims to unite voices from across the nation in an act of resistance and hope.

Keep ReadingShow less
image of devastating fires in Los Angeles area

Last updated: January 13, 1:20 p.m. PT.

Multiple wildfires are currently tearing through Los Angeles County, forcing hundreds of thousands to flee. The fires have now claimed 10 lives. While the Palisades fire captured widespread media attention due to its location in the affluent Pacific Palisades neighborhood, at the time of this reporting, the Eaton Fire quickly grew to the same devastating size as the Palisades and took entire neighborhoods with it. The Eaton fire is still currently impacting areas with a significant Latino population, such as Altadena, where 27.2% of the population is Latino according to the latest census.

Keep ReadingShow less
golden globes 2025 nominees
Created by Luz Media

This year’s Golden Globe Awards had one of the highest number of Latino nominees in its history. While that’s a milestone worth celebrating, the actual outcome of the ceremony is a reminder of how far Hollywood still has to go. Out of all the groundbreaking nominees, including 8 Latine actors and at least 9 projects with significant Latino involvement behind the scenes (including 4 Latine directors), only 2 Latina actresses, Dominican-Puerto Rican Zoe Saldaña and Brazilian Fernanda Torres, walked away with trophies. Their wins are historic and well-deserved, but they don’t hide the fact that Latino talent continues to be largely overlooked in an industry that thrives on Latine contributions both on and off the screen.

Keep ReadingShow less