Unmasking Toxic Love: Novelas and Distorted Romance

Graphic design featuring characters from a Latin soap opera set against a backdrop of a cautionary yellow tape bearing the word 'warning'.
Luz Media

One day, after being relentlessly bullied by some kid in elementary school, I went to my mom to complain about the situation, only to be met with an excuse I will probably hear for the next 10 years of my life, “te molesta porque le gustas”…excuse me, WHAT?


Now, at the time, it made perfect sense. Of course he’s bullying me because he likes me! Because “del odio al amor solo hay un paso,” everyone would say. And when I was younger, I would believe it. After all, every depiction of a romantic relationship I saw at the time seemed to confirm that a little bit of violence here and there was peak romanticism.

I remember watching the telenovela “Rebelde” and idolizing Mia Colucci and Miguel Arango’s relationship. It made me feel all fuzzy inside seeing them together. Since I’m a huge nostalgia junkie, I decided to go back and rewatch the entire thing again now that I’m 27. Needless to say, I was utterly impactada as I watched. What the heck, sis?! That dude literally tried to KILL YOU!

Miguel violently shakes and threatens to throw Mia off a cliff. Then, this doesn’t get addressed again for the entirety of the telenovela. Ok, cool.


Intrigued by the shocking revelations I was having by rewatching “Rebelde” and realizing Miguel is likely an undiagnosed sociopath or, at the very least, has some sort of psychological pathology going on, I began taking a closer look at all my teenage crushes, and it all started to make sense.

Ranging from possessive, manipulative douchebags that hide under the mask of being a “good guy” (I’m looking at you, Noah Calhoun from “The Notebook”) to gaslighting psychos that control your entire life and sneak into your room to watch you sleep without your consent (Edward Cullen from “Twilight” was in its own league, really), I realized I was doomed from the start if mainstream media for tweens like me at the time was my main source of information about the real world, which it totally was.

Conventionally attractive male characters who are controlling, jealous, or possessive are often depicted as “romantic” or “passionate” rather than abusive. At the same time, the women who are being mistreated may be shown as “putting up with it” for the sake of love. Add a bit of misinterpreted Catholicism into the mix with the idea that true love forgives and withstands everything and that, for some reason, it has to hurt, and we get a very distorted perception of what a healthy relationship looks like, which unknowingly led me to accept or excuse unhealthy behavior in my own relationships. It was all I ever saw.

Unequal power dynamics, where the man has control over a woman’s life in one way or another, like being their boss, teacher, a much older man, or someone with more money or influence than them, were painted as the ultimate love story. Take, for instance, Don Armando humiliating, abusing, and manipulating Beatriz Pinzón in “Yo Soy Betty, La Fea” only to end up with her, an outcome even the actor himself has said was absolutely wrong.

In reality, when one partner has more power than the other, they may use that power to control, manipulate, or dominate the other person. This inequality can quickly become physical, emotional, sexual, or financial abuse. Heck, the most blatant forms of abuse are even shown onscreen and STILL romanticized! In “Amor Real,” Manuel beats Matilde on more than one occasion, and they’re somehow still given a happy ever after. Are we going to address that or…? (TRIGGER WARNING)

Amor Real Manuel golpea a Matildewww.youtube.com

Trauma bonding is what happens when an individual becomes obsessed with their abuser, although it is never called that way or addressed at all in most depictions of abusive relationships. It's thought that being in a state of constant fear can result in an excessive release of opiates—a natural painkiller—in the brain. In turn, this state can cause feelings of euphoria or elation while also increasing endorphin production and decreasing adrenaline levels. As a result, victims may become so accustomed to their abuser's mistreatment that they develop a dependence on their continued presence in order to feel normal again. This is often confused with that wild, intense, passionate love we see onscreen. It's not love, it's trauma.

Considerable and often concerning age gaps were also heavily romanticized and supported by the fallacy that “women mature faster than men” to make it seem less creepy. I mean, no one batted an eye when Vivian Ward ended up with Edward Lewis, who is 18 years her senior, in “Pretty Woman.” And I could go on endlessly about the Hollywood age gap. These depictions can create a societal expectation that such relationships are normal and acceptable. They make it difficult for women in these types of relationships to recognize that there may be power imbalances at play. As Demi Lovato said in one of her latest songs:

“Thought it was a teenage dream, a fantasy.
But it was yours, it wasn’t mine.
Seventeen, twenty-nine.”

Unfortunately, after years of being brainwashed into watering myself down to cater to a male fantasy of an "ideal woman," I found out that abuse is not at all romantic the hard way; the way many women do, and some don’t even make it out alive. These skewed ideas of what love or passion looks like have taken years to unlearn, and despite making progress as a society toward identifying and calling out this toxic behavior, some of the most iconic onscreen couples still follow this harmful blueprint of abuse, Nate Jacobs and Maddy Pérez from “Euphoria” being the first that comes to mind.

It is essential to be critical of the media we consume and to remember that media portrayals of relationships are not always reflective of real-life relationships. Healthy relationships should be based on mutual respect, trust, and open communication. If you or someone you know is in a toxic relationship, it’s important to seek help and support. This can include talking to a therapist or counselor, reaching out to a domestic violence hotline (but let’s remember that not all abusive behavior is physically violent), or confiding in your closest friends or family members.

Just remember that you deserve to be in a healthy and happy relationship and that help is always available.

hands holding up yellow protest signs that say Hands Off Our Bodies
Photo Credit: Gayatri Malhotra via Unsplash

Originally published in Common Dreams. Reprinted with permission.

The Latino electorate will prove decisive in securing reproductive freedom and abortion access through ballot measures around the country, particularly in states where Latinos are a significant portion of the electorate.

In November, abortion rights measures will appear on ballots across ten states, including Arizona, Colorado, Florida, Nevada, and New York, where Latinos make up a significant portion of the electorate. For decades, pundits and politicians have recycled long-held misconceptions about Latino voters and abortion access, citing our conservative and religious beliefs.

Anti-abortion extremists have long fueled these misconceptions through misinformation and disinformation campaigns targeting Latino communities with egregious lies and inflammatory rhetoric about abortion. Yet, polling, focus groups, and direct interactions with Latino communities have debunked these outdated tropes.

The Latino electorate will prove decisive in securing reproductive freedom and abortion access through ballot measures around the country, particularly in states where Latinos are a significant portion of the electorate.

For Latinos, the freedom to decide, a pillar of our American democracy, is critical. Meanwhile, Latinos are being hit directly with anti-abortion efforts that take away that freedom such as the six-week abortion ban put into effect by the Florida Supreme Court and the 1864 abortion ban upheld by the Arizona Supreme Court. In the wake of the Dobbs decision, people of color and Latinas have felt the impact of a lack of abortion access, an element of basic healthcare.

A 2023 report by the National Partnership for Women and Families estimated that nearly 6.5 million Latinas, or 42% of all Latinas of reproductive age in the country, live in a state that either had or was likely to ban abortion. Ironically, it will be abortion access and anti-choice efforts to restrict freedom of choice that will mobilize Latino voters this election.

In a poll conducted by three national reproductive justice organizations, 87% of Latinas named abortion and women’s rights as one of their top priorities as they head to the polls. Another battleground poll conducted by Somos PAC and BSP Research found that 61% of Latino registered voters expressed a more positive/favorable view of Kamala Harris after hearing that she will protect abortion rights, versus only 19% of Latinos who said they had a more negative view of Harris after hearing that.

In key states to secure the White House and both chambers, Latinos make up large chunks of the electorate: Arizona (25%), Colorado (15%), Florida (20%), Nevada (20%), and New York (12%). In the face of unprecedented attacks on basic healthcare access and targeted attempts by extremists to mislead and divide our community on this issue, this November Latinos will be key deciders on abortion access across the country.

Mari Urbina, Managing Director of Indivisible, Battleground Arizona Lead and former Harry Reid advisor.

Héctor Sánchez Barba is president and CEO of Mi Familia Vota (MFV).

This Viral Video Game Is Changing the Face of Voter Outreach

In 2024, voting campaigns have evolved greatly, to say the least. Creativity is now the name of the game and tongue-in-cheek humor is expertly leveraged to drive action. One example of that is Bop the Bigot, a revival of a viral game created in 2016 by Bazta Arpaio, an Arizona activist group, as part of a campaign to unseat Maricopa County’s Sheriff Joe Arpaio. Arpaio lost his re-election to Paul Penzone that year.

The game has now been updated for the current election cycle and relaunched by On Point Studios, with new features added to enable players to find out what’s on their ballot, confirm voter status, and register to vote.

Much like its former 2016 version, the game allows users to take out their political frustrations by virtually “bopping” GOP candidates in the head. It’s very similar to whack-a-mole, except the mole is replaced by former President Donald Trump, Ohio’s Senator J. D. Vance, and Kevin Roberts, President of the Heritage Foundation, which is spearheading Project 2025.

cartoon renditions of Donald Trump and J.D. Vance around a Bop the Bigot logoPromotional image provided by On Point Studios.

B. Loewe, Director of On Point Studios, came up with the concept for this game when working as the Communications Director at Bazta Arpaio in 2016, and is the executive producer of this revamped version. In the first version of the game, Bop the Bigot players used a chancla (flip flop) to “bop” the characters, tapping into Latino culture by leaning on the childhood experience of being set right by a flying chancla from a fed-up mother or grandmother.

This year, the chancla is replaced by a more current element, a green coconut, referencing Kamala Harris’ coconut tree meme. There are also side characters like “the couch,” cat ladies, and more coconuts. All references to jokes about Vice-Presidential candidate Vance, or insults Vance has made about women on the campaign trail.

Another new addition is that Harris’ laugh is immortalized as the game-over sound effect, an unexpected detail that adds even more humor and levity to the game.

cartoon renditions of Donald Trump, Kevin Roberts, and J.D. Vance around a Bop the Bigot logoPromotional image provided by On Point Studios.

Bop the Bigot, which is playable on desktop and mobile, is intended not just as a way to vent political frustrations, but also as a tool for activism and securing voter engagement.

For example, the game supports the work of Mexican Neidi Dominguez Zamorano, Founding Executive Director of the non-profit organization Organized Power in Numbers by using the “game over” screen to prompt players to donate to it and support their efforts.

Organized Power in Numbers is focused on empowering workers in the South and Southwest of the U.S. through collective action and comprehensive campaigns. Their mission is to create a large-scale movement that challenges the status quo and advocates for workers' rights, and racial and economic justice.

Currently, Dominguez Zamorano is leading worker outreach to 2 million working-class voters in the South and Southwest through doorknocking, texting, and calls with the help of local groups in North Carolina, Arizona, New Mexico, and more.

“We have been blown away by the enthusiastic reception for the video game. We knew we wanted to be part of its creative approach because our movement needs more fun and laughter. We need more ways to connect with nuestra gente so we can feel joy among all the absurdity we witness every day,” Dominguez Zamorano shared with Luz Media via email.

“Our people are gente trabajadora and we deserve to feel uplifted even in our toughest moments. We are deeply involved in the South and Southwest so we know what’s at stake in this election and we’re happy this can be a resource to mobilize, raise spirits, and get out the vote," she concluded.

Dominguez Zamorano is a committed activist for immigrants and workers' rights, known for her strategist skills and expertise. She played a key role in the campaign to win DACA and has also held roles in major campaigns, including as Deputy National States Director for Bernie Sanders' 2020 presidential campaign. In addition to her work with Organized Power in Numbers, Dominguez Zamorano is serving as a Senior Advisor to Mijente’s Fuera Trump Initiative.

Grassroots efforts like these have taken on new life in 2024, with Bop the Bigot adding to the larger, ongoing fight against political apathy and disinformation. Just as it did during the 2016 race, the video game uses humor to soften the serious task at hand—getting people to the polls.

"We want the game to be a fun and comical outlet for anyone who’s been insulted, frustrated, or harmed by Trump in the past and everyone who is ready to move forward as a country after election day," explained Loewe in a press release. "The proposals in Project 2025 and the beliefs of Trump and Vance aren’t just weird, they’re truly harmful. We wanted to give people a humorous and peaceful way to smack down their racism and sexism. We hope it makes people laugh and also feel empowered and motivated to get to the polls on or before election day."

With a mix of satire, sharp political critique, and nostalgia, the game is a call to action. The upcoming election, which is getting closer by the minute, has sparked fierce activism and creative yet grounded initiatives like these aim to ensure voters are engaged, especially young Latinos and disenfranchised groups.