You know how some terms turn into buzzwords but no one actually understands what they mean? Well, it happens a lot with psychological terms, especially when they relate to relationships. “Attachment style” is one of those terms and it comes up a lot in conversation. In those conversations, “secure attachment style” is often the main focus. Why? Because a securely attached person is what everyone wants to be. It translates into healthier and more stable relationships, and that’s “goals,” as they say. Do you fall into that category? Let’s find out! Here are 8 signs you have a secure attachment style:
You have healthy boundaries
Photo by Aaron Burden on UnsplashPeople with secure attachment styles not only set healthy boundaries for themselves, but they also respect everyone else’s boundaries. If you’re like that, it means you’re comfortable saying “no” when you have to and you strive for autonomy and individuality, even if you feel like you’re part of a whole. Whether that’s a romantic relationship, friendship, or family bond, you don’t let anyone trample all over your boundaries. For Latinas, this can be particularly challenging because we’re taught to let everything slide when it comes to family members. In that environment, the importance of setting boundaries becomes clearer than ever.
You’ve built a solid social network
Photo by Joel Muniz on UnsplashSomeone with a secure attachment style is very successful at valuing and nurturing relationships. All kinds of relationships, not just romantic ones. That’s why they usually have solid social networks. Whether that’s 3 friends or a hundred, you enjoy your social life and can cultivate those relationships healthily. You give as much joy and support as you receive, and you don’t need incentives to show your people you care about them.
You trust the people around you
Photo by Julia Caesar on UnsplashTrust is a cornerstone of secure attachment. While jealousy can be a normal part of the human experience, a securely attached person won’t get lost in it. They trust that a commitment has been made unless there’s reason to doubt the other person. And if there’s reason to doubt, securely attached people will bring it up and have a conversation about it. They also strive to build stable foundations for their relationships, whether romantic or not. It’s all about mutual trust, isn’t it?
You’re very open with your communication
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Securely attached people are very good at communicating exactly what they need, want, and feel. They’re very comfortable with that and they’re also great at creating environments where other people can do the same. If you’re like this, you understand that communication is a two-way street and you do your best to keep your line open. This openness has allowed you to nurture strong relationships and intimate bonds. Not just with romantic partners, but also with friends and family.
You show authentic vulnerability
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Vulnerability requires courage, and a securely attached person isn't afraid to be open with the people they love and trust. They share their fears, insecurities, and deepest desires, creating a space for mutual honesty. This transparency leads to deeper connections and it allows everyone involved to be more supportive. If you’re like this, you’re probably called an “open book” more often than not!
You’ve dealt with your baggage
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There’s no denying that we all have a past and that past often comes with baggage. We can decide to carry that baggage with us the entire time and let it affect the way we relate to others. Or we can choose to deal with that baggage; confront it, learn what we need to learn, and then leave it behind. Securely attached people have done the latter and they’ve checked their baggage at the door. If you’re this way, it means you approach relationships with a clean slate and a positive outlook. You don’t hold new people accountable for the mistakes of past friends or partners. Doesn’t that feel wonderful?
You’re reliable and provide consistent security to others
Photo by Melissa Askew on UnsplashA securely attached person has a way of providing security to others. Whether it’s friends, partners, or family, people always know where you stand with them. You’re a consistent person whom people can rely on and this consistency means that they can always count on you. You can always count on them as well cause, as Latinos say, “Amor con amor se paga,” meaning “Love is paid with love.”
People feel like they can grow with you
Photo by Max Saeling on UnsplashSecurely attached people are eager to grow with people. If you’re in a relationship with someone, you want to grow as an individual, but also as a couple. You see your relationship as a journey that you’re traveling together. All the ups and downs of life are just opportunities to stand by each other. The same can apply to friendships and family relationships. This desire to grow both as a person and in the context of the relationship inspires others to do the same. That’s why you make people feel like they can also be better and that’s so rewarding, isn’t it?
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