Spotting Machismo: A Quick Self-Reflection Guide

In so many ways hypermasculinity is still overly present in today’s world. Some aspects of life for women have incrementally changed for the better and many men are actively making an effort to unlearn machista behaviors, but machista attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors have been normalized for so long that both men and women might not even realize they are perpetuating or enabling harmful behaviors.

This happens especially in the Latino community where machista comments or behaviors are often brushed off in the name of “culture” or tradition, but just because something has been normalized in culture doesn’t mean that we can’t actively work to change the way things are.

Here are the top signs you’re harboring conscious or unconscious machista beliefs that apply to the entire gender spectrum:

You think women and people capable of pregnancy are the only ones responsible for avoiding a pregnancy.

When an unplanned pregnancy does happen, many still default to blaming the woman for not “taking care of herself.” So if this thought has ever come to you after finding out someone unintentionally became pregnant think to yourself, why would your mind immediately jump to ascribing responsibility to the pregnant person when it’s two people who share the responsibility? With so many methods of effective birth control available for all parties, there’s plenty of blame to go around. But better yet, skip the blame and show some empathy. Your energy is better spent extending support for whatever may come next.

You think women shouldn’t curse, be too loud, or direct, or basically engage in any behavior that is typically associated with masculinity.

Not only does enforce gender roles but is also a big part of another social concept known as “marianismo” which refers to the idea that the female gender is one-dimensional and assigned specific characteristics attributed to femininity. Both men and women can be brainwashed into believing that women are supposed to be “pure” and always striving towards some non-sensical and unrealistic standard of perfection, but in marianismo, we often see this being carried out by women who then perpetuate this harmful belief in their own children.

You think women are not “respecting” themselves based on the clothes that they choose to wear.

By now we should all know very well that no matter what someone is wearing they deserve respect because they are a fellow human beings, period. And we certainly know that what someone is wearing has nothing to do with the behavior others take or don’t take because of it. Many still perpetuate the idea that showing skin is immoral or that men won’t be able to control themselves. Not only is this abhorrently untrue but it also perpetuates victim blaming. Women can wear whatever they want and show as much as they want, getting unwanted stares or comments is NEVER their fault, it is the person who lacks basic human decency, respect, and self-control.

You think it’s wrong for women to have an active sexual life.

Women are still very much shamed for having multiple sexual partners which is the same behavior that men have been praised for since the dawn of time. On top of that women are shamed from being vocal about their sex lives; again a concept rooted in both machismo and marianismo, because the reason for it, is that women have a duty to be “pure” or “modest.” But an active sex life is part of most human’s lives and how a person decides to express it is their decision and their decision only. We keep having to repeat this but it seems like it cannot be said enough, nobody should get to dictate what another person does with their body.

Weaponized incompetence

This one is appalling, but so common that it’s hard to be surprised when you see this happening. A mother is expected to be perfect in every way, but fathers always get away with doing the bare minimum, and not only that but they are praised for it. Not too long ago it was very common to see posts on social media where moms would leave their children with their father for some time while they had to do something else (take a shower, go to the gym etc) and the punchline of the joke was always that the father couldn’t be left alone with the child for too long because the dad is “useless” and can't be alone without making some sort of mess. It also happens in relationships without children, when it comes to house chores. This machista behaviour has a name: weaponized incompetence, and it is something that is done as a way to avoid responsibility, because if you are bad at doing something, then you won’t be asked to do it again. In a relationship, especially in one where there’s children involved this is a disgusting manipulation technique. Man acting like children that need to be taken care of in every way, instead of a partner who is there to help, is very much machismo behavior.

The societal problem we have with dismantling these behaviors is that they are normalized, even encouraged sometimes. However, this doesn’t mean that people can’t change how they think. Yes, it’s uncomfortable to change a value system, but it’s absolutely possible. As we come to realize the flaws and toxic aspects of our society, we can always choose to unlearn and relearn and to educate those around us.