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Let’s be real; the holiday season tends to be romanticized as a bright, joyful time full of family, food, and magic. And sure, it can be all that, but more often than not, there’s some tension, stress, and awkwardness sprinkled in.
The thing with a lot of Latino families is that they tend to unknowingly overstep boundaries. Some of us may find it hard to reinforce those boundaries or even speak up and tell our loved ones when they’ve said something hurtful. As a result, we may find ourselves sitting at the table with a nudo en la garganta that ruins the tamales we’re trying to enjoy.
Rather than wasting your precious energy explaining why asking when someone is planning to get pregnant isn’t appropriate, we gathered a few of the most intrusive and tired questions we hear every holiday season and put together some respectful responses.
There is a way to protect your boundaries while still acknowledging that your family’s beliefs and lifestyles may be different from our own.
The age-old questions about “traditional” family
“Y el novio, mija?” could very well be the most commonly asked question, especially if you’re a woman. The question might actually be well-intentioned sometimes (we’ll assume some people mean well and are not just looking for some chisme), but it is deeply rooted in machismo culture and the assumption that, first of all, you should be in a stable, heterosexual relationship because that’s what’s “normal,” is entirely inaccurate.
Second, that you should be in a long-term committed relationship by now ’cause you’re a señorita and the train is leaving the station soon is ageist, and also inaccurate These archaic assumptions then lead to the conclusion that if you haven’t yet landed that soon-to-be husband then something is wrong with you.
The emotional and mental damage that this causes really requires that you learn how to put an end to this question.
One might think if you do, in fact, have a novio, you might be spared from this torturous interrogation. But no, you might get hit with the “y para cuando la boda?” or even worse, the dreaded “para cuando el bebé?”
Childfree women are dramatically increasing because today’s world is vastly different from the world our grandparents or even our parents grew up in. About 44% of people between the ages of 18 and 49 are simply uninterested in having kids of their own. Roughly one-third of adults claim they are either unsure about marrying or do not want to marry at all. Aside from that, fertility issues are becoming more common than ever, with Latinas and other WOC showing a disproportionate amount of endocrine-disrupting chemicals in their bodies that may be harming their reproductive health.
Bottom line is we don’t need to be reminded that our biological clock is ticking. If we’re not already starting a “traditional” family, it’s probably because either we can’t or we do not want to at the time, or maybe ever. Either way, it is a deeply personal issue that should probably not be discussed over romeritos and bacalao.
A way to redirect the conversation is to instead ask them about their personal projects and interests.
The question can be answered (or ignored if you choose) with a simple “no,” then redirected with a, “So, prima, what have you been up to these days?” Or, “Have you finally taken up that new hobby we talked about last year, tía?” “How’s it going with your salsa classes, sis?”
Remember, there’s just so much more to a person than who they’re with or what their family may look like so despite that being the center of their worlds, simply and genuinely inquiring about something else in their world will often do the trick to shutting down those intrusive questions.
Aprende de tu prima
Living up to our family’s expectations is never easy, and it can certainly take a toll on those who have strayed from the “ideal” path one is expected to follow. As the eldest granddaughter, trust me, I would know.
I got hit with the “aprende de tu prima” card the second my younger cousin announced her engagement. And although it was “all in good fun,” I couldn’t help but feel a hint of shame that just didn’t belong to me; it was bestowed upon me the minute someone made the comparison between us two. “You should’ve gone first because you’re the eldest!”
It’s silly the way our family expects us to act as if we’re on a conveyor belt that takes us from school to school ’til we get a bachelor’s degree, then score a well-paid job, find true love, get married, start a family, have our offspring go through the exact same thing until eventually, we reunite with whoever sent us to this earth in the first place.
It’s just so unattainable it seems weird to even imagine comparing people based on where they’re currently at in their lives and then expecting every single person to do life exactly the same
What makes us interesting is our unique stories and what we bring to the table as individuals. So instead of comparisons, we can show appreciation and gratitude to our loved ones for what they are instead of what we expect them to be. This is perfectly ok to explain in response to this horrid question.
Ay, mija, estás embarneciendo
For the longest time, I didn’t even know what “embarneciendo” meant, just that my abuelita said it to me and my primas almost every time we got together. Eventually, I learned it meant that I was putting on some weight. To make it sound less critical, sometimes they would describe it as “healthy weight.”
In many Latino families, commenting on other people’s bodies is usually considered normal. It often starts from a very young age and might affect how we see ourselves and others throughout our whole lives. These comments might be disguised as coming from a place of concern. Still, hearing them can be very detrimental to our self-esteem and self-image, especially when we’ve been trying so hard to work on that ourselves.
Not to mention others might not be aware of the mental and physical health issues one might be facing that can manifest as weight gain or weight loss. Yep, “te ves más flaca” isn’t exactly a compliment, either, even though people might mean it as one.
Old habits die hard, and despite feeling annoyed every time you hear it, you might actually say these things too. Appearance is so ingrained in both American and Latino culture that we sometimes don’t even realize we are participating in the same behavior we dislike.
Fortunately, there are many ways we can compliment others without commenting on their weight or appearance. Bet your tía spent hours mastering a new healthy recipe. Ooh, la prima absolutely slayed her last exam. And abuela, your dichos are hilarious, tell us more!
See? That wasn’t so hard!
It’s never too late to change, and although it may seem like things have been a certain way forever, change is gradual, and we are all learning as we go. Although it may not seem like it, the mere act of speaking up about how something makes you feel can make waves and eventually help reshape the way your family interacts with one another, one Navidad at a time.
The holidays are here, and we all know what that means—endless family gatherings, too much food, and (hopefully) a little downtime. The thing is, even the most cheerful celebrations can leave you craving an escape. That’s where books come in. These 8 picks by Latina authors are perfect additions to your holiday reading list. From juicy dramas to laugh-out-loud romances, these books will offer a good time and important perspectives on the Latine experience.
Mamá Didn’t Raise a Pendeja by Carolina Acosta and Aralis Mejia
Image Credit: Aralis Mehia and Carolina Acosta
We all need some no-nonsense advice to close out your year with confidence. “Mamá Didn’t Raise a Pendeja” is the blunt, funny, and refreshingly real self-help book you didn’t know you needed. First-gen Latinas Carolina Acosta and Aralis Mejia have channeled the wisdom of abuelitas everywhere into this collection of “anti-affirmations.” This isn’t about fluffy mantras—it’s real talk for real challenges. From relationship drama to career hurdles, every page is packed with sharp humor, tough love, and cultural pride. Whether you need a reminder to stay grounded or a push to tackle life head-on, this book can be your personal pep talk.
The Volcano Daughters by Isabel Cañas
Image Credit: Gina Maria Balibrera
This book will transport you to 1920s El Salvador, where beauty and devastation mark Graciela and Consuelo’s lives. When nine-year-old Graciela is taken from her volcano-side home to serve as an oracle for a rising dictator, her world is forever changed. Years later, as genocide threatens their homeland, the sisters are forced to flee, carrying their traumas and secrets with them. In “The Volcano Daughters,” Salvadoran-American Gina María Balibrera creates a heart-wrenching story that combines history, mythology, and survival. It’s the perfect book if you love stories of resilience, sisterhood, and the fight for justice.
Isabel and the Rogue by Liana De la Rosa
Image Credit: Liana De la Rosa
Isabel Luna Valdés is the wallflower-turned-secret-agent we didn’t know we needed. Using her connections in London’s high society, Isabel gathers intelligence to support Mexico during the French Occupation. But when her covert missions put her in the path of Sirius Dawson, a charming but infuriating British spy, sparks—and secrets—fly. “Isabel and the Rogue” is a historical romance full of political intrigue and fun banter that will have you kicking your feet. Of Mexican and Puerto Rican heritage, Liana De la Rosa wrote a page-turner that will take you to another era. If you’re in the mood for romance with high stakes, this one is for you.
Wild Tongues Can’t Be Tamed edited by Saraciea Fennell
Image Credit: Saraciea Fennell
This anthology of 15 voices from the Latinx diaspora is, simply put, impactful. From Elizabeth Acevedo to Ibi Zoboi, the contributors tackle topics like identity, anti-Blackness, and the complexities of love and family. The stories, essays, and poems are as diverse as the authors themselves, offering a good mix of emotions and unflinching truth. Whether you’re in the mood for a ghost story or a heartfelt reflection, this collection has something for everyone. “Wild Tongues Can’t Be Tamed” is a great option if you want to read outside of your usual genre, but don’t know where to start. So put this celebration of Latine voices on your holiday reading list.
Of Women and Salt by Gabriela Garcia
Image Credit: Gabriela Garcia
This haunting multigenerational novel takes you from 19th-century Cuba to present-day Miami, following the lives of extraordinary women bound by love, trauma, and resilience. Jeanette, battling addiction, is looking for answers about her family’s past, while her mother, Carmen, wrestles with the pain of displacement. Of Cuban and Mexican descent, Gabriela Garcia explores themes like immigration, betrayal, and survival through poetic writing. “Of Women and Salt” is a meditation on the legacies we carry and the strength it takes to confront them. Thought-provoking and perfect for a quiet night in.
The Worst Best Man by Mia Sosa
Image Credit: Mia Sosa
Imagine being left at the altar and then having to work with the very man who encouraged your ex to do it. That’s Lina’s reality in this hilarious enemies-to-lovers romance by Puerto Rican-Brazilian author Mia Sosa. Sparks fly as Lina, a whip-smart Brazilian wedding planner, and Max, her ex’s brother, are forced to collaborate on a big project. “The Worst Best Man” is a rom-com that will get you laughing and swooning. Rivals-to-lovers is always a fun trope and this story will be an effective antidote to holiday stress. Plus, you’ll learn about Brazilian culture in a very refreshing way.
Self-Care for Latinas by Raquel Reichard
Image Credit: Raquel Reichard
This debut by Puerto Rican author Raquel Reichard is exactly what you’re looking for if you need a little help staying grounded this time of year. We all know how hectic and overwhelming the holidays can be, so this could be a lifesaver. “Self-Care for Latinas” is a guide that offers over 100 practical exercises to help you recharge, reset, and reclaim your joy. Reichard is a mental health advocate and she addresses the unique challenges Latinas face while offering actionable steps to navigate them healthily. From quick pick-me-ups to deeper self-reflection, this book is a must-have for starting the new year with a renewed sense of purpose.
We Need No Wings by Ann Dávila Cardinal
Image Credit: Ann Davila Cardinal
After the sudden death of her husband, Teresa Sanchez is consumed by grief—until she starts levitating. That surreal experience leads Teresa on a trip to Spain, where she uncovers her family’s mystical connection to Saint Teresa of Ávila. Puerto Rican-American Ann Dávila Cardinal wrote a beautiful story of healing, faith, and self-discovery in “We Need No Wings.” She leaned on her Puerto Rican heritage to deliver a book that feels deeply personal and universally relatable at the same time, and the magical realism elements make it very dynamic. Be ready to go on an emotional and spiritual journey with Teresa!
Every single one of these stories offers a different window into the Latine experience and opens the door to themes we can all relate to, from resilience and love to identity and self-care. Whenever you feel the need to disconnect from what’s happening around you and connect with yourself or just have a good time, any of these books will serve as a vehicle. Get yourself a cafecito, curl up on the couch, and happy reading!
Latinos have a profound connection to the Catholic religion, an enduring relic of Spanish colonization. Praying, rituals, and generally thanking God are important cultural and religious habits deeply seeded in the culture.
December 12th is a significant religious and cultural celebration in Mexico, which marks the culmination of events told in the famous story of the Virgin Mary appearing to Juan Diego, a peasant, in Mexico City as a dark-skinned woman who spoke to Diego in his native tongue, Náhuatl. The day is recognized as the feast day of Our Lady of Guadalupe, and the date it is observed with pilgrimages, processions, Masses, and various festivities.
Why did the Virgin Mary Appear before Juan Diego?
According to the well-told story, Juan Diego, a peasant in Mexico, claimed to have seen the Virgin Mary on the Hill of Tepeyac. She told Juan Diego to instruct the local bishop to build a church in her honor on that site, but when Juan Diego delivered the message to the bishop, he didn't believe Juan Diego, who after all was just a lowly peasant.
Undeterred, the Virgin appeared to Juan Diego again, and this time, she told Juan Diego to gather roses, which were out of season, and present them to the bishop. Juan Diego complied and when he opened his cloak to reveal the roses, an image of the Virgin Mary miraculously appeared on the fabric. This image is now venerated as the Our Lady of Guadalupe.
Photo by Emmanuel Acua on Unsplash
The Site of the Virgin Mary Appearance
The Streets are Filled with Processions
Many Mexican and other Latin-American households pay homage to the Virgin by hanging photos or building altars of all sizes year-round. During the day of the Virgin, the streets are filled with people vibrating with love for Nuestra Señora Salvadora. The streets are filled with resounding conversations and colorful flowers, and as people find Guadalupe, they walk the streets and honor her presence. In Mexico City, people march the entire street to the Basílica de Guadalupe, singing, surrounded by food stands, and people swelling with love, devotion, and pride of the Virgen de Guadalupe.
The march can be so deeply meaningful to some people that they march on their knees.
miguel.cardenas, CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons
It's a Celebration and a Family Affair
Figures of la Virgen, dancing to the rhythm of the drums, incienso, fireworks, and food can be found in cities throughout Mexico. It's a joyous moment for many families because it’s finally the day to celebrate and thank her for her blessings. You can find la Virgen de Guadalupe paintings on random walls that often get serenaded with rancheras and baladas.
The vibe is a community celebration. Children run around dressed as little Dieguitos, with their painted bigotes, sandalias, and sombreros. In churches, you can see people recreating the tale, putting on a big scene of how it all happened: the manto, the flowers, and the mysticality of it all.
Photo by Juan Manuel Montejano Lopez
La Virgen de Guadalupe: Symbol of Hope
People vibrate with pride and love, while many others publicly declare how their lives were changed by miracles la Virgen de Guadalupe created for them.
La Virgen de Guadalupe is now a beacon of hope and light for millions of Mexicans but she's also turned into a cultural icon for many others. Understanding the origin story of the Virgin helps explain why the day is so sacred, but it also helps explain why she's such a staple to Mexican culture, even for the non-religious.
Photo by Friar Sergio Serrano, OP