Your mother counts, your daughter counts, you count. Online, by phone, or by mail, responding to the Census has never been easier, even while practicing social distancing. The 2020 Census will determine how resources will be distributed in your community. That includes, schools, parks, and even hospitals. So stand up and be counted today because they’re counting on you to participate.For more information about how you can participate in #Census 2020, text “LATINASCOUNT” to 97779.
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Let’s be real; the holiday season tends to be romanticized as a bright, joyful time full of family, food, and magic. And sure, it can be all that, but more often than not, there’s some tension, stress, and awkwardness sprinkled in.
The thing with a lot of Latino families is that they tend to unknowingly overstep boundaries. Some of us may find it hard to reinforce those boundaries or even speak up and tell our loved ones when they’ve said something hurtful. As a result, we may find ourselves sitting at the table with a nudo en la garganta that ruins the tamales we’re trying to enjoy.
Rather than wasting your precious energy explaining why asking when someone is planning to get pregnant isn’t appropriate, we gathered a few of the most intrusive and tired questions we hear every holiday season and put together some respectful responses.
There is a way to protect your boundaries while still acknowledging that your family’s beliefs and lifestyles may be different from our own.
The age-old questions about “traditional” family
“Y el novio, mija?” could very well be the most commonly asked question, especially if you’re a woman. The question might actually be well-intentioned sometimes (we’ll assume some people mean well and are not just looking for some chisme), but it is deeply rooted in machismo culture and the assumption that, first of all, you should be in a stable, heterosexual relationship because that’s what’s “normal,” is entirely inaccurate.
Second, that you should be in a long-term committed relationship by now ’cause you’re a señorita and the train is leaving the station soon is ageist, and also inaccurate These archaic assumptions then lead to the conclusion that if you haven’t yet landed that soon-to-be husband then something is wrong with you.
The emotional and mental damage that this causes really requires that you learn how to put an end to this question.
One might think if you do, in fact, have a novio, you might be spared from this torturous interrogation. But no, you might get hit with the “y para cuando la boda?” or even worse, the dreaded “para cuando el bebé?”
Childfree women are dramatically increasing because today’s world is vastly different from the world our grandparents or even our parents grew up in. About 44% of people between the ages of 18 and 49 are simply uninterested in having kids of their own. Roughly one-third of adults claim they are either unsure about marrying or do not want to marry at all. Aside from that, fertility issues are becoming more common than ever, with Latinas and other WOC showing a disproportionate amount of endocrine-disrupting chemicals in their bodies that may be harming their reproductive health.
Bottom line is we don’t need to be reminded that our biological clock is ticking. If we’re not already starting a “traditional” family, it’s probably because either we can’t or we do not want to at the time, or maybe ever. Either way, it is a deeply personal issue that should probably not be discussed over romeritos and bacalao.
A way to redirect the conversation is to instead ask them about their personal projects and interests.
The question can be answered (or ignored if you choose) with a simple “no,” then redirected with a, “So, prima, what have you been up to these days?” Or, “Have you finally taken up that new hobby we talked about last year, tía?” “How’s it going with your salsa classes, sis?”
Remember, there’s just so much more to a person than who they’re with or what their family may look like so despite that being the center of their worlds, simply and genuinely inquiring about something else in their world will often do the trick to shutting down those intrusive questions.
Aprende de tu prima
Living up to our family’s expectations is never easy, and it can certainly take a toll on those who have strayed from the “ideal” path one is expected to follow. As the eldest granddaughter, trust me, I would know.
I got hit with the “aprende de tu prima” card the second my younger cousin announced her engagement. And although it was “all in good fun,” I couldn’t help but feel a hint of shame that just didn’t belong to me; it was bestowed upon me the minute someone made the comparison between us two. “You should’ve gone first because you’re the eldest!”
It’s silly the way our family expects us to act as if we’re on a conveyor belt that takes us from school to school ’til we get a bachelor’s degree, then score a well-paid job, find true love, get married, start a family, have our offspring go through the exact same thing until eventually, we reunite with whoever sent us to this earth in the first place.
It’s just so unattainable it seems weird to even imagine comparing people based on where they’re currently at in their lives and then expecting every single person to do life exactly the same
What makes us interesting is our unique stories and what we bring to the table as individuals. So instead of comparisons, we can show appreciation and gratitude to our loved ones for what they are instead of what we expect them to be. This is perfectly ok to explain in response to this horrid question.
Ay, mija, estás embarneciendo
For the longest time, I didn’t even know what “embarneciendo” meant, just that my abuelita said it to me and my primas almost every time we got together. Eventually, I learned it meant that I was putting on some weight. To make it sound less critical, sometimes they would describe it as “healthy weight.”
In many Latino families, commenting on other people’s bodies is usually considered normal. It often starts from a very young age and might affect how we see ourselves and others throughout our whole lives. These comments might be disguised as coming from a place of concern. Still, hearing them can be very detrimental to our self-esteem and self-image, especially when we’ve been trying so hard to work on that ourselves.
Not to mention others might not be aware of the mental and physical health issues one might be facing that can manifest as weight gain or weight loss. Yep, “te ves más flaca” isn’t exactly a compliment, either, even though people might mean it as one.
Old habits die hard, and despite feeling annoyed every time you hear it, you might actually say these things too. Appearance is so ingrained in both American and Latino culture that we sometimes don’t even realize we are participating in the same behavior we dislike.
Fortunately, there are many ways we can compliment others without commenting on their weight or appearance. Bet your tía spent hours mastering a new healthy recipe. Ooh, la prima absolutely slayed her last exam. And abuela, your dichos are hilarious, tell us more!
See? That wasn’t so hard!
It’s never too late to change, and although it may seem like things have been a certain way forever, change is gradual, and we are all learning as we go. Although it may not seem like it, the mere act of speaking up about how something makes you feel can make waves and eventually help reshape the way your family interacts with one another, one Navidad at a time.
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Photo by PICHA
You probably don’t remember that sweater mamá got you 5 years ago for your birthday, but we bet you remember how crazy the party got! That’s what experiences are all about, making new memories that last a lifetime.
So instead of making a run for the mall or placing that last-minute amazon purchase, how about gifting your loved ones the opportunity to create fun and meaningful memories that’ll last much longer? Here are 8 quick ideas!
Get a voucher for a fun indoor activity
Photo by Anastasia Shuraeva
Sometimes you need to get out of the house for a lil’ bit, which can get tricky in the winter months. Luckily there are tons of cool things to do indoors. A match at the bowling alley, a trip to the skating rink, a fun trampoline park, indoor rock climbing, going to an arcade like the good ol' days, or a challenging escape room aren't only entertaining things to do, they’re a chance to break free from routine and just have a good time. You can even encourage your loved ones to try something out of the ordinary, like pottery-making or a rage room (because who doesn’t feel like smashing a plate or two every now and then?). It’s all about the stories you’ll tell afterward.
Get tickets to a concert or sporting event
Photo by Harian Nunes
No need to break the bank for this one (although seeing Bad Bunny live in concert would probably be life-changing for your prima, though). You can check out events, concerts, and sports matches near you to find one that might pique their interest! Nothing like bonding over screaming for their favorite artist or chanting their team’s name.
Plan a day trip
Photo by KoolShooters
You don't have to go far for a memorable trip. Bet you there are many places in or around your hometown that you’ve never even been to! Invite your mamá to escape her daily routine with a day-long trip to that winery you’ve always talked about, that beautiful park just a drive away, or that restaurant your gift-received loved that one time and hasn’t had the chance to go back to. Pick a few spots to visit around town and enjoy your one-day holiday!
Prepare a night in
Photo by Pavel Danilyuk
Some of the best memories happen when you keep it simple. If your gift-receiver is a homebody who would much prefer staying in, set up a cozy movie marathon with all the snacks, a board game tournament where stakes are high (we’re talking bragging rights for months), or even a karaoke session in your living room. Bonus points if you throw in a homemade pizza night or some cheeky drinks to keep the party going. Promise you’ll be talking about this experience for days.
Get them a membership card, subscription, or yearly pass
Photo by RDNE Stock project
Depending on what their interests are, your friends and family might benefit from a museum pass to see all the different exhibitions and events happening throughout the year, a gym membership to help ‘em get on track with their New Year’s resolutions, a yearly book subscription so they receive a new title every month, or even a subscription to a food delivery service that’ll help them catch a break from cooking every now and then. There are also state park and national park passes that are a steal if you visit just two times. Truly a gift that’ll keep on giving!
Sign them up for online or in-person classes
Nowadays there are a million ways to learn a new skill, hobby, or even language. You can take a look at what courses are being offered in your vicinity or online. Maybe some bachata or salsa classes for your primo who has two left feet but has always wanted to learn? A course that’ll teach your papá how to paint with watercolors? Or better yet, sign them up for an online learning platform (there are many of ‘em both in English and Spanish) where they can choose their own courses and learn at their own pace.
Give back to the community
Photo by Timur Weber
A meaningful experience for you, your loved ones, and those who need it the most, volunteering can be a wonderful way to give back to your community while enjoying the company of those you care about. There are many ways you can volunteer. You can find a local soup kitchen that needs some help, reach out to a community center near you, or ask your local library if they have any openings. A quick search will surely have some interesting things pop up!
Book a Wellness Experience
Photo by John Tekeridis
Life is stressful, so sometimes the best gift is a chance to relax. Treat them to a massage or facial at a spa, or book them into a cozy sauna or steam room session. For something a little different, consider a yoga or meditation class, a relaxing aromatherapy experience, or even a sound bath. These simple wellness experiences are a great way to help someone recharge and feel amazing.
Gift them a DYI experience
Photo by Elena Kloppenburg on UnsplashA little creativity goes a long way! Consider gifting your loved one the opportunity to make something with their own hands. You could give them a scrapbooking set so they can capture their favorite moments of the year, a painting or pottery kit so they can let their inner artists shine, or a cooking set for making homemade pasta, cupcakes, or even personalized pizzas. If they’re into pampering, a soap or bath bomb-making kit will allow them to create their own spa experience at home. The options are endless.
Donate to a cause close to their heart
Photo by RDNE Stock project
What better way to celebrate this time for giving than to support a meaningful cause? Talk to your loved one about making an end-of-year donation in their name to an organization that needs your help. There are many Latino nonprofits that could surely use a hand.
That one crazy family get-together, that impromptu weekend road trip, the time you went out dancing with friends ‘til you were sore, and the very first time you went ice skating, are all experiences you will remember forever. So this year, how about we invest our time and money into living life to the fullest?
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Deported with Twin Newborns: Texas Deportation Case Highlights Mixed-Status Family Struggles
20 December
The recent deportation of Christina Salazar-Hinojosa who voluntarily took her four children with her, which included two newborn twins, has brought renewed attention to the complex realities faced by mixed-status families in the United States.
Salazar-Hinojosa’s case reveals how a single event, such as a missed court date, can disrupt the lives of families whose members navigate different citizenship and immigration statuses. With her husband, Federico Arellano, a U.S. citizen, and three of her children holding the same status, Salazar-Hinojosa’s deportation has left the family divided and grappling with uncertain futures.
The Complexities of Salazar-Hinojosa’s Deportation
Mixed-status families live under the constant threat of separation, a risk that’s exacerbated by the challenges of navigating a difficult immigration system. For the family, this fear became a reality when Salazar-Hinojosa missed her immigration hearing on October 9 due to health complications after giving birth to premature twins. Her doctors advised her to recover at home. "I had to have an emergency C-section. My babies were born prematurely. I was very ill because of my hemorrhage,” Salazar-Hinojosa shared with NBC News.
According to Arellano and his attorney, Isaias Torres, the family informed the immigration court of Salazar-Hinojosa’s medical situation. They were told that the hearing would be rescheduled and later, received instructions to report to an immigration office in Greenspoint, Texas, to discuss Salazar-Hinojosa's case, as reported by Noticias Telemundo.
Salazar-Hinojosa stated that she attended the December 10th appointment believing it would be like her previous routine check-ins. However, immigration authorities arrested her during the meeting, separating her from her U.S. citizen husband. She took her four children with her—a 7-year-old, a 2-year-old, and newborn twins, even though 3 of them have U.S. citizenship.
Situations like this highlight the vulnerability of families who can be separated by a single procedural misstep. For U.S. citizen children, these separations often create emotional and logistical dilemmas, forcing them to leave their country of birth to remain with their parents or face life without them.
The intersection of healthcare and immigration further complicates the challenges faced by mixed-status families. Salazar-Hinojosa’s medical emergency during a critical legal period illustrates how healthcare needs can interfere with immigration obligations, leaving families with difficult choices. For children in these families, the consequences of parental deportation are profound, disrupting their stability, education, and psychological well-being.
Broader Implications for Immigrant Communities
The Arellano-Salazar-Hinojosa case reflects issues that many immigrant families face across the country. Some families avoid using public services, even when needed, out of fear of immigration-related consequences. This fear often leads to gaps in health and education for children in mixed-status households, who may not receive the same resources as their peers. The constant possibility of separation adds stress, especially for children, who may experience anxiety or struggle with social and emotional development.
This case also raises questions about how immigration laws are enforced and the impact on families trying to comply with legal requirements. Salazar-Hinojosa’s lawyer argued that there were legal options that could have prevented her deportation that he asserts were not given.
Public Opinion and Policy Context
This incident has sparked discussions about immigration policies and how they affect families. Many people support creating pathways to legalization and prioritizing family unity, but the current system often places families in complicated situations.
Salazar-Hinojosa shared with NBC News that she was denied legal representation at the moment of her deportation. She said, “He [her husband] wanted to see if we could get a lawyer to see what we could do, and they said no, that they had to take us now.” They also made her sign deportation forms, stating that if she didn’t, they would arrest and fine her husband.
This lack of legal representation during a key moment in their case underscores the importance of having access to proper legal guidance. Without it, families may face outcomes that could have been avoided with better support. At the same time, the case highlights the tension between immigration enforcement and humanitarian considerations. Advocates argue that families like the Arellano-Salazar-Hinojosas should not be penalized so harshly, especially when they are making efforts to comply with the law.
The deportation of Christina Salazar-Hinojosa and her children shows the rigidity of immigration policies that often don’t take family situations into account, cause harm to U.S. citizen children, and don’t prioritize protecting family stability.
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