In The Community
What is Machismo?
Photo by Paul Lowry on Flickr
“Machismo” is a term that comes from the Spanish word “macho,” meaning “male.” In the Latino community, machismo refers to the attitudes and values that perpetuate traditional gender roles, emphasizing dominance over women. While progress has been made in challenging machismo, some people still hold onto “machista” attitudes, whether they’re aware of it or not.
If you’re in a relationship, identifying signs of machismo and addressing them is essential to make sure you have equitable dynamics. Here are 10 signs of machismo to watch out for and strategies for talking about them with your partner:
He dominates conversations
Machista men tend to dominate conversations with women, often talking over them, interrupting them in the middle of sentences, or dismissing their opinions entirely. You can address this by pointing out this behavior to your partner and expressing a need for more active listening. It’s also important to correct the behavior in the moment. If you’re interrupted, talked over, or dismissed, it’s okay to stop the conversation to address that and let him know it’s not okay. Conversations are two-way streets!
He reinforces traditional gender roles
Machismo is all about reinforcing what they consider to be traditional gender roles, so it’s important to understand what your partner’s views are. If they believe women should always take care of the house and that should be their priority, that’s a red flag. You can address this by having a conversation about gender roles and your views on them, emphasizing shared responsibilities and mutual respect. If you find that your values don’t align and he’s inflexible, it’s a good idea to reconsider the future of the relationship.
He is controlling
Controlling behavior is a tell-tale sign of a machista man, and it’s very important to identify it as early as possible. If your partner wants to have a say in what you wear, limit your interactions with other men or women they find threatening, and monitor everything you do, you have to point it out. Remind them you’re your own person and you need independence within the relationship. If they take offense to that or try to manipulate you into accepting it, consider that the relationship is not right for you.
He dismisses women’s issues
Women’s issues are more prevalent than ever and being able to discuss them with your partner is very important. Moreover, having your partner in your corner is essential to a healthy relationship. You can disagree on many things, such as whether pineapple goes on pizza or not, but if you disagree on core issues like gender equality and women’s rights, that doesn’t usually make for a healthy, supportive relationship.
He’s emotionally blocked
One of the core traits of machismo is emotional restraint. Traditional masculinity discourages men from being vulnerable or expressing emotions that are considered soft, like sadness. As a result, machista men don’t show much emotion or bottle everything up until they explode. You can address this by letting your partner know that he can share his feelings without judgment. When he does, it’s important to listen and validate his emotions. However, if he’s not willing to do the work, you have to ask yourself if you can continue in a relationship with someone who’s emotionally stunted.
He’s full of double standards
Machista attitudes often lead to holding double standards. If your partner often thinks it’s okay for him to do certain things, but it’s not okay if you do the same, you need to have a conversation about it ASAP. Point out double standards when they arise and explain how they make the relationship unequal and unfair. However, if he maintains this hypocritical attitude, it’s likely you’ll never see eye to eye.
He objectifies women
Photo by Maru Lombardo on UnsplashMachista men tend to reduce women to the way they look or how much sexual appeal they have. Men who objectify women simply don’t respect them, so if you see this kind of attitude in your partner, it could be helpful to talk about it. It’s important to put your foot down on this and if the behavior continues, we encourage you to think hard about whether this is the kind of man you want to build a life with.
He is resistant to change
When machista beliefs are challenged, men are often resistant to change. They think that letting go of the machismo threatens their masculinity and they fail to see the benefits because it’s so ingrained in them. You can help your partner try to move past this by discussing the benefits not just for himself, but also for the relationship you share. Being supportive is essential, but don’t allow yourself to be strung along if you don’t see any real effort being made on his end.
He has a disregard for consent
Photo by SHAKEEL AHAMMED on UnsplashMachista men tend to feel entitled about a lot of things when it comes to women, including physical intimacy. At the start of any relationship, it’s essential for everyone involved to establish clear boundaries and expectations about sex. However, if he disregards those boundaries once, that’s one time too many. You shouldn’t have to teach anyone to respect your limits. They either do or they don’t, and if they don’t, you’re better off without them.
He doesn’t like sharing responsibilities
Last but not least, men who live by machismo have a hard time sharing responsibilities. Especially as they relate to things they don’t consider masculine, like taking care of the house. Ideally, you should know where your partner stands on this before you even consider living together. But if you already live together and the burden falls primarily on you, it’s important to have a conversation and share responsibilities equally. Otherwise, everyday friction will build up and the relationship won’t stay healthy.
Recognizing signs of machismo in your partner is essential for fostering a relationship based on equality, mutual respect, and understanding. Strive to work together on this, but he’s not up for it, consider if that’s the kind of partner you deserve.
- Are You Normalizing Machismo in Your Everyday Life? ›
- Spotting Machismo: A Quick Self-Reflection Guide ›
- Machismo and Marianismo: What's the Difference? ›
- Mi Mamá Es Machista, Now What? ›
In the world of work and domestic chores, a term has been gaining popularity - “weaponized incompetence” But what exactly does it mean, and why is it crucial to understand and identify this phenomenon? Let's break it down.
What is Weaponized Incompetence?
Weaponized incompetence, also known as strategic incompetence, refers to a purposeful and manipulative tactic where someone pretends to be incompetent at a task to avoid responsibility. By playing the 'helpless' card, they dodge their obligations, leaving others, often women, to pick up the slack.
This phenomenon can take place both in a professional environment or at home. In the workplace, a colleague might say they're 'just not good' at using the new software, leaving you to finish the project on your own. At home, your partner might claim they 'just can't figure out' how to do the laundry, leaving you with another task on top of your already full plate.
In Latine culture, a historical prevalence of machismo and marianismo can feed into this tactic. Machismo, characterized by an emphasis on masculine pride and the domination of men over women, often results in traditional gender roles being strictly maintained. Under this societal expectation, men might feign helplessness or incompetence in domestic tasks, thereby perpetuating weaponized incompetence. By doing so, they reinforce harmful stereotypes and unequal distribution of responsibilities, leaving women to shoulder most, if not all, of the domestic burden.
Weaponized incompetence not only burdens the person left to do the job but also perpetuates harmful stereotypes that some tasks are inherently 'too difficult' for certain individuals, often based on their gender, ethnicity, or age.
How to Spot Weaponized Incompetence
It's important to differentiate between weaponized incompetence and a genuine lack of skill or understanding. The former is a manipulative behavior, while the latter can be addressed with training and patience. Here are some signs to watch out for:
- Pattern of Avoidance: The person consistently avoids certain tasks or responsibilities, claiming they're 'just not good' at them.
- Lack of Improvement: Despite guidance or training, the person doesn't show any progress or improvement.
- Selective Incompetence: The individual can perform complex tasks but suddenly becomes 'incompetent' when it comes to specific duties or chores.
- Excuse Making: The person often gives vague, non-specific excuses for not doing a task, or they over-dramatize the complexity of the task.
In the domestic sphere, a classic example is a partner who claims they don't know how to cook or clean properly, leaving these duties primarily to their partner. This is particularly prevalent in households that follow “traditional” gender roles, where domestic chores are stereotypically assigned to women.
In the professional realm, an example could be a colleague who perpetually evades a portion of their duties by claiming a lack of technical skill or understanding, leaving you or others to carry their workload.
How Can you Stop Weaponized Incompetence?
Overcoming weaponized incompetence involves addressing it head-on, setting boundaries, and promoting a culture of shared responsibility.
- Communicate: Open a conversation about the issue, expressing your concerns without attacking the person. They may not even realize they've been utilizing this tactic.
- Train and Support: Offer to train them in the tasks they claim to be incapable of doing. If they genuinely lack skills, they will improve over time.
- Set Expectations: Make it clear that everyone is responsible for certain tasks. If it's a colleague, discuss the issue with your supervisor. If it's a partner, talk about shared duties and equal contribution to household tasks.
- Set Boundaries: Be firm in not taking over the tasks they are avoiding. It may lead to short-term discomfort, but it could bring long-term change.
Weaponized incompetence is a manipulative tactic that not only adds to the burden of those who pick up the slack but also reinforces harmful stereotypes and is part of a larger conversation about gender equality, shared responsibility, and dismantling harmful stereotypes.
- Machismo and Marianismo: What's the Difference? ›
- Are You Normalizing Machismo in Your Everyday Life? ›
I was inducted into the Catholic faith pretty much straight out of the womb, starting off at this Catholic primary school in Mexico when I was just six years old. I was pure Play-Doh back then, ready to be shaped and molded. There I was, learning the Holy Bible like it was basic arithmetic or the ABCs.
Now, as a kid, you don't exactly have a whole laundry list of "sins" under your belt. Yet, we were herded to the confessional every week and prompted to confess our sins. Often, I'd be at a loss for what to say, and the priest would suggest things like: "Did you raise your voice at your parents? Did you disobey them? Did you think of something mean? That's a sin, too." So, there I was, scavenging through my memories for something, anything, to feel guilty about, confess, and beg forgiveness from God at the ripe age of six.
As I grew, I jumped through all the Catholic hoops. First communion, confirmation, even theology courses. The path to becoming an exemplary Catholic is indeed a long one. In time, I took on the role of a youth pastor, passing on the teachings ingrained in me since childhood to a younger generation of girls: respect and honor your parents unconditionally, remain a virgin until marriage, treat your body like a temple, and as a woman, be submissive and compliant to your man…
As I moved on to college and gained more independence from my parents and the environment I grew up in, I started to experiment with new experiences. Nothing outrageous, just typical teenage activities: flirting with boys, drinking, partying, and sometimes sneaking out on adventures my parents would never have approved of. It's ironic, really – the girls with the most conservative parents turn out to be the sneakiest of the lot. I should know.
But, looking back now, that time in my life feels more sad and uncomfortable than fun and exciting. I wanted to be a normal teen, but the guilt was always there, and boy, was it heavy. Every time I stepped out of line, I was sure God would punish me, perhaps by taking my parents away or making me fall ill. The looming "fear of God" that Catholics preach about became a literal terror for me.
When I first became sexually active, the accompanying guilt was overwhelming. No longer a virgin and unmarried, I felt like I'd let God down, disappointed my parents, and failed myself. Surely no man would want me anymore. I vividly remember crying about it constantly.
Fast forward a couple of years, and I found myself growing apart from the church. No big dramatic reason, just a general feeling of guilt and shame every time I was at church or with my youth group. Eventually, the guilt got so bad I just stopped going – I couldn't bear to be a hypocrite.
So, I distanced myself from it. And the more I walked away, the more I began to see the bigger picture. And it was ugly.
I realized I'd been taught since I was a kid to be perfect in every way – honor my parents, never swear or steal, keep my thoughts pure, avoid 'fake gods' like yoga or horoscopes, follow the rules blindly, never question your faith, always be obedient and submissive, and never try to grow or learn outside of God's teachings.
Love until it hurts. Real love is always painful and hurts: then it is real and pure.
— Mother Teresa
I was led to believe that love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. I was taught that love must hurt. That suffering leads to the purification of the soul. Between popular media bombarding young girls with depictions of unhealthy relationships and a very misguided interpretation of Catholic principles, I fell into very harmful relationships. I had been conditioned to accept this as the norm. After all, the señoras talked about staying with their cheating, abusive husbands. Because love endures all things, right?
Only in the past few years have I learned that there's a name for all these experiences I've been going through. And say what you want about that – some people think we're just making up names for things – but naming it validates your experience and makes it easier for others to share theirs; it helps us define and express this amorphous monster of a thing we've been dealing with for all these years.
The term "Catholic guilt" is widely recognized today to describe a particular feeling of remorse that arises from violating the moral standards ingrained through Catholic upbringing.
For Latina women, the manifestation of Catholic guilt is not merely a theological concept but a sociocultural phenomenon that extends beyond the church's walls and permeates daily life. It intertwines gender expectations, family relationships, community dynamics, and individual self-worth.
The cultural ideal of "marianismo" suggests that women must embody purity, virtue, submissiveness, and self-sacrifice, akin to the Virgin Mary. This ideal puts considerable pressure on Latina women to uphold these standards of morality and virtue. Deviating from these norms can evoke feelings of guilt rooted in both cultural and religious contexts—emotions that I haven't been able to shake off, even though I abandoned Catholicism more than 10 years ago.
Many Latina women often bear the burden of preserving the family's honor and moral standing. This responsibility can engender Catholic guilt associated with behaviors or thoughts that deviate from the church's teachings, such as premarital sex, divorce, abortion, or even questioning the religious doctrine itself. You must not waver in your faith.
I cannot stress enough how heavily the weight of Catholic guilt can influence a woman's self-perception. It can induce feelings of inadequacy due to the impossible task of upholding an idealized and frankly unattainable standard of morality and purity. Guilt can also play a role in a woman's struggle with her personal identity, particularly if she identifies as LGBTQ+, a status still stigmatized in both the Catholic Church and many Latine communities, sometimes leading to internalized homophobia.
This ever-present feeling of guilt can be detrimental to mental health, resulting in issues like anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. The fact is, many of us are introduced to the Catholic faith almost as soon as we are born, baptized, and sent to Sunday school. So these teachings and feelings of guilt become deeply rooted in our sense of being.
As we acknowledge these experiences, we empower ourselves and others to open up about their struggles and seek healing. It’s vital for mental health professionals to recognize and understand the nuances of Catholic guilt in Latina women, offering culturally competent care and support, yet not many do.
By recognizing and naming my experience, I've found it easier to share my story with other women who face similar struggles. My hope is that, through open conversations and mutual understanding, we can begin to break free from guilt, embrace our individuality, and respect our autonomy in making informed choices. Only then can we find the freedom to heal and redefine our relationships with faith, culture, and ourselves.
- Setting Healthy Boundaries with Family is Crucial for Latine Mental Health ›
- Machismo and Marianismo: What's the Difference? ›
- Self-Sacrifice in Latino Relationships - Luz Media ›