Supporting someone going through domestic violence or recovering from the experience can feel overwhelming. You want to help, but you’re not always sure how. For anyone who knows someone affected by domestic violence, the best thing you can do is offer love, understanding, and a safe space. Here are 10 ways to care for victims of domestic violence and be a supportive person to them:
Listen Without Judging
women sitting on rock near body of waterPhoto by Roberto Nickson on UnsplashWhen someone confides in you about their experiences, your response matters. Listen openly, without interrupting, judging, or jumping in with advice. Simply allowing them to share their story at their own pace is one of the most powerful ways to show you care. Validate their feelings—acknowledge that what they’re feeling is real and that they deserve to be heard.
Respect Their Boundaries
It’s natural to want to help someone get out of a harmful situation as quickly as possible, but remember, leaving an abusive relationship is complicated. Victims often face significant emotional, financial, and safety concerns. Respect their timeline and understand that they might not be ready to take certain steps. Your role is to support, not pressure.
Help Them Create a Safety Plan
a notebook with a pen and flower on a pink backgroundPhoto by Cinthya González on UnsplashA safety plan is a personalized strategy to help someone leave a harmful situation if and when they’re ready. Offer to sit down and help them plan. This can include identifying safe places to go, keeping essential items on hand, and choosing trusted people they can reach out to in an emergency. The National Domestic Violence Hotline website (thehotline.org) has templates and guides to help.
Be a Consistent Source of Support
a woman wearing a white hat looking at her cell phonePhoto by R.D. Smith on UnsplashVictims of domestic violence often feel isolated, either because they’ve been cut off from friends and family or because they feel ashamed. Reaching out regularly—without expecting anything in return—reminds them that they have a support network. Even a simple text or call to check in can make a difference, showing them you’re there for them no matter what.
Provide Practical Support
a woman sitting in the drivers seat of a carPhoto by Karsten Winegeart on UnsplashOffering practical help can be a huge relief. This could mean providing transportation, accompanying them to court dates, or helping with childcare. Practical support shows them that you’re there to help in concrete ways, easing some of the daily burdens they may be dealing with as they navigate their situation.
Educate Yourself on Domestic Violence
woman sitting on sofa while using MacBook ProPhoto by Mimi Thian on UnsplashLearning about domestic violence helps you better understand what your friend or loved one is going through. Resources like the National Domestic Violence Hotline, Women’s Law, and local advocacy centers can provide you with insights into the dynamics of abuse, the challenges victims face, and how you can help without unintentionally causing harm. Knowledge empowers you to be a more empathetic ally.
Remind Them They’re Not Alone
three women are sitting on a bench looking at the oceanPhoto by Melanie Kanzler on UnsplashIsolation is common in abusive situations. Let them know that they’re not alone and that support is out there. Share information about domestic violence hotlines, counseling centers, and shelters, and remind them that they’re part of a broader community of people who care and want to help them find safety and healing.
Encourage Counseling and Mental Health Support
woman wearing gray jacketPhoto by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on UnsplashDomestic violence often leaves emotional scars that require support to heal. Encouraging therapy, counseling, or support groups can make a difference, as these resources can offer a safe space for them to work through trauma. If they’re open to it, offer to help them find a therapist or go with them to a support group meeting.
Be Patient with Their Process
flat lay photography of man and woman holding hands togetherPhoto by Alvin Mahmudov on UnsplashLeaving an abusive relationship is not a one-time decision but a process that can take months or even years. Victims may leave, return, and leave again as they try to navigate their circumstances. Understand that healing and recovery take time, and be patient. Avoid saying things like, “Why don’t you just leave?” Instead, offer encouragement, and remind them of their strength.
Keep Their Confidence
One of the most important ways to support a victim of domestic violence is to respect their privacy and keep what they share with you confidential. Victims need to feel safe and in control of their story, especially if they’re in the process of planning their next steps. Avoid sharing details of their situation with others unless they’ve explicitly asked you to do so. This trust can be vital for their sense of security, and knowing you’re someone they can rely on will help them feel supported as they navigate a difficult journey.
When someone you care about is experiencing domestic violence, showing them kindness, empathy, and unwavering support can mean the world. Remember, your presence is powerful. Just being there, offering love without conditions, and helping in small, thoughtful ways can help them feel safe and valued.
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