Are They Jerks or Narcissists? There's a Disturbing Difference

a woman giving the side eye to a man

Have you ever met someone who seems overly confident, self-centered, or even downright rude? Maybe they constantly talk about themselves, disregard your feelings, or even manipulate situations to their advantage. And, if you're anything like us and countless other Latinas, you might've thought, is this person just a purebred a**hole, or are they a narcissist?


Here's the thing, there's a big difference between the two and it’s important to be able to distinguish between rude and even selfish behavior and narcissistic abuse. We can get over rudeness, but narcissistic abuse can cause long-term harm that can be difficult to recover from and leave us forever changed.

According to mental health professionals, victims of narcissist abuse may display signs of emotional, physical, psychological, verbal, and even physical abuse. Sustained abuse of this kind can lead to symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and also a pervasive sense of shame, overwhelming feelings of helplessness, decreased impulse control, and emotional flashbacks.

What is Emotional Manipulation in Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Emotional manipulation is the narcissist’s primary weapon. We've all met the occasional jerk - someone who might be blunt, insensitive, or even obnoxious. They might not care much about your feelings or needs at the moment, but that doesn't necessarily make them narcissists. A jerk can have a bad day, be unaware of their behavior, or simply lack some social graces.

A narcissist, on the other hand, is someone who meets at least five of the nine criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

The DSM-5 states that in order to be clinically diagnosed with NPD, a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and that present in a variety of contexts, must be shown by at least five of the following:

  1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g. - exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
  2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
  3. Believes that he, she, or they are “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
  4. Requires excessive admiration
  5. Has a sense of entitlement (i.e. - unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations)
  6. Is interpersonally exploitative (i.e. - takes advantage of others to achieve their own ends)
  7. Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
  8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of them
  9. Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

It’s important to understand that this is a deeper issue than just occasional bad behavior. It's a consistent pattern of self-serving behavior with no regard for the harm they are causing others.

Imagine the classic telenovela villain – always plotting, scheming, and manipulating. But in real life, emotional manipulation isn't always that obvious. A narcissist can play the victim, guilt-trip you, gaslight, or make you doubt your own feelings and perceptions.

They know how to pull the strings, often making you feel like you're the one who is always to blame for their bad behavior. They are notorious for manipulating you with surgical precision, and no matter how many receipts you present, they will never take accountability for any of their behavior.

This is worth noting because the narcissist will make you feel like you’re losing your mind and that perhaps it actually is you who is the problem - it’s not you.

Remember this sage advice: "No todo lo que brilla es oro.” Just because someone comes across as charming doesn't always mean they have good intentions. Their charm is just another emotional manipulation tool in their narcissist toolbox. It’s disarming and very effective.

Emotional Manipulation and Latino Culture

In Latino culture, where family and relationships are deeply valued, there’s a unique vulnerability to emotional manipulation. Concepts like 'familia' and 'respeto' might sometimes make it harder to set boundaries or recognize manipulation, as it’s common for us to put others before ourselves.

  • Religion and Spirituality: Deep-rooted spiritual beliefs might be used against someone. A narcissistic partner may misuse religious teachings, portraying their manipulative actions as 'for the greater good' or for 'family's sake.'

The cultural focus on communal connections can sometimes mask or justify narcissistic behaviors. But it's essential to recognize that standing up for ourselves doesn't mean we're betraying our values. Saying, “I refuse to put up with this,” is the most self-respecting and self-loving thing to do, despite how incredibly difficult it feels.

Recognizing Emotional Manipulation

Emotional manipulation by a narcissist can be subtle, which is why it’s so dangerous. Oftentimes, you don’t even recognize that it’s happening. Some signs include:

  • Gaslighting: Making you question your reality or memories. This can be particularly impactful for Latina women who already juggle between cultural worlds.
  • Playing the Victim: They might twist stories so that they’re always the victim, pushing you into a caregiver or fixer role, which many Latinas might feel culturally compelled to adopt.
  • Using Love as a Weapon: They might offer affection conditionally or withhold it to get what they want, manipulating the value of deep passion and love.

There’s a myriad of other emotional manipulation tactics they might use; all of which you can check out in detail here.

Protecting Yourself and Healing from a Narcissist

When it comes to safeguarding yourself, the journey kicks off with one pivotal aspect: awareness. It's all about recognizing that the norms we hold dear in our cultures can sometimes be twisted and misused. This realization forms the bedrock, but what follows are some down-to-earth tips that can really make a difference:

First up, education. Delving into what makes up Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) equips you to spot its signs early on. It's like having a secret weapon of insight.

Next, seeking support. Friends, family, or even groups of women who've walked similar paths, can be a beacon of light, helping you sort through your doubts and questions.

Then there's therapy, a space to navigate the labyrinth of emotions. A therapist, especially one who understands the nuances of our Latino background, can offer invaluable guidance in recovering from a narcissistic abuser. Many therapists agree that recovering from a relationship with a narcissist is one of the hardest types of relationships to recover from because the pain and confusion feel overwhelming. As noted, the behavior is hard to identify, and victims tend to blame themselves and continue to suffer long after the relationship is over.

Last but definitely not least, setting those boundaries. Setting boundaries isn’t just encouraged, it's important. Despite the weight of cultural expectations, standing up for your own well-being and drawing a line in the sand is a literal line of protection against further abuse.

Informative social media post on how to deal with a narcissist

Social media post shared by myexisanarcissistandimadeitout on Instagram

Social media post shared by myexisanarcissistandimadeitout on Instagram

Armed with these tools you have the power to avoid narcissistic abuse, or you may realize that you’re a victim of abuse and cutting off or minimizing your exposure is the only way out. As always, remember you're strong, capable, and worth more than what the narcissist has expertly made you believe.

The road to recovery can feel long, but eventually, you get to the other side and a newer, healthier you is awaiting your arrival.

bop the bigot video game logo

In 2024, voting campaigns have evolved greatly, to say the least. Creativity is now the name of the game and tongue-in-cheek humor is expertly leveraged to drive action. One example of that is Bop the Bigot, a revival of a viral game created in 2016 by Bazta Arpaio, an Arizona activist group, as part of a campaign to unseat Maricopa County’s Sheriff Joe Arpaio. Arpaio lost his re-election to Paul Penzone that year.

The game has now been updated for the current election cycle and relaunched by On Point Studios, with new features added to enable players to find out what’s on their ballot, confirm voter status, and register to vote.

Much like its former 2016 version, the game allows users to take out their political frustrations by virtually “bopping” GOP candidates in the head. It’s very similar to whack-a-mole, except the mole is replaced by former President Donald Trump, Ohio’s Senator J. D. Vance, and Kevin Roberts, President of the Heritage Foundation, which is spearheading Project 2025.

cartoon renditions of Donald Trump and J.D. Vance around a Bop the Bigot logoPromotional image provided by On Point Studios.

B. Loewe, Director of On Point Studios, came up with the concept for this game when working as the Communications Director at Bazta Arpaio in 2016, and is the executive producer of this revamped version. In the first version of the game, Bop the Bigot players used a chancla (flip flop) to “bop” the characters, tapping into Latino culture by leaning on the childhood experience of being set right by a flying chancla from a fed-up mother or grandmother.

This year, the chancla is replaced by a more current element, a green coconut, referencing Kamala Harris’ coconut tree meme. There are also side characters like “the couch,” cat ladies, and more coconuts. All references to jokes about Vice-Presidential candidate Vance, or insults Vance has made about women on the campaign trail.

Another new addition is that Harris’ laugh is immortalized as the game-over sound effect, an unexpected detail that adds even more humor and levity to the game.

cartoon renditions of Donald Trump, Kevin Roberts, and J.D. Vance around a Bop the Bigot logoPromotional image provided by On Point Studios.

Bop the Bigot, which is playable on desktop and mobile, is intended not just as a way to vent political frustrations, but also as a tool for activism and securing voter engagement.

For example, the game supports the work of Mexican Neidi Dominguez Zamorano, Founding Executive Director of the non-profit organization Organized Power in Numbers by using the “game over” screen to prompt players to donate to it and support their efforts.

Organized Power in Numbers is focused on empowering workers in the South and Southwest of the U.S. through collective action and comprehensive campaigns. Their mission is to create a large-scale movement that challenges the status quo and advocates for workers' rights, and racial and economic justice.

Currently, Dominguez Zamorano is leading worker outreach to 2 million working-class voters in the South and Southwest through doorknocking, texting, and calls with the help of local groups in North Carolina, Arizona, New Mexico, and more.

“We have been blown away by the enthusiastic reception for the video game. We knew we wanted to be part of its creative approach because our movement needs more fun and laughter. We need more ways to connect with nuestra gente so we can feel joy among all the absurdity we witness every day,” Dominguez Zamorano shared with Luz Media via email.

“Our people are gente trabajadora and we deserve to feel uplifted even in our toughest moments. We are deeply involved in the South and Southwest so we know what’s at stake in this election and we’re happy this can be a resource to mobilize, raise spirits, and get out the vote," she concluded.

Dominguez Zamorano is a committed activist for immigrants and workers' rights, known for her strategist skills and expertise. She played a key role in the campaign to win DACA and has also held roles in major campaigns, including as Deputy National States Director for Bernie Sanders' 2020 presidential campaign. In addition to her work with Organized Power in Numbers, Dominguez Zamorano is serving as a Senior Advisor to Mijente’s Fuera Trump Initiative.

Grassroots efforts like these have taken on new life in 2024, with Bop the Bigot adding to the larger, ongoing fight against political apathy and disinformation. Just as it did during the 2016 race, the video game uses humor to soften the serious task at hand—getting people to the polls.

"We want the game to be a fun and comical outlet for anyone who’s been insulted, frustrated, or harmed by Trump in the past and everyone who is ready to move forward as a country after election day," explained Loewe in a press release. "The proposals in Project 2025 and the beliefs of Trump and Vance aren’t just weird, they’re truly harmful. We wanted to give people a humorous and peaceful way to smack down their racism and sexism. We hope it makes people laugh and also feel empowered and motivated to get to the polls on or before election day."

With a mix of satire, sharp political critique, and nostalgia, the game is a call to action. The upcoming election, which is getting closer by the minute, has sparked fierce activism and creative yet grounded initiatives like these aim to ensure voters are engaged, especially young Latinos and disenfranchised groups.

woman surrounded by colorful illustrations
Image by Sayuri Jimenez.

Nathalie Molina Niño has never been one to shy away from breaking barriers, and now, she’s focusing her attention on a new mission: demystifying corporate boardrooms for women, especially Latinas. Molina Niño is the President of Known, an asset management and financial services firm, a veteran tech entrepreneur and builder capitalist, and a board member at the iconic lingerie Brand, Hanky Panky, and others.

Like many corporate boards, Hanky Panky hadn’t publicly disclosed its board composition until recently. After the brand survived the challenges of the COVID-19 pandemic, Molina Niño decided it was time for more women, specifically more Latinas, to know what it means to be on corporate boards.

Coincidentally, the decision to finally be more vocal about this topic aligned with the start of Hispanic Heritage Month, which served as the perfect kick-off to the work.

"Something that rarely gets talked about and I think almost gets kept opaque by design is boards,” she explains in a recent Instagram announcement. “[This Latinx Heritage Month], that’s what I’ll be talking about.” Her goal? To equip more Latinas with the knowledge they need to navigate onto for-profit boards, where they can thrive and build multi-generational wealth.

For-profit corporate boards often feel like an exclusive club. And in many ways, they are, especially for Latinas, who hold the smallest percentage of board seats in Fortune 500 companies compared to other racial groups. According to the latest report from Latino Board Monitor, while Latinos hold 4.1% of these board seats (compared to 82.5% held by white people), only 1% go to Latinas. Molina Niño, a first-generation American of Ecuadorian and Colombian descent, is part of this boardroom minority.

When asked about her experience as a Latina board member during a recent Zoom interview, she said, “It’s been lonely. There’s not a lot of Latinas on boards.” She went on to explain that even serving on boards of Latina-founded businesses gets lonely because, “A lot of the times, people who serve on their boards represent their investors and, as a result, [...] you still don’t see a lot of Latinas on those boards.”

This lack of representation drives Molina Niño’s determination to increase Latina presence in corporate boardrooms. By sharing her insights, she hopes to give Latinas a roadmap to claim their seats at the table. “If you don’t know where to go, it’s impossible to figure out how to get there,” she says.

The Road to the Boardroom

Getting onto a for-profit corporate board isn’t an overnight achievement, but it’s not an unattainable dream either. People often think you need to be a CEO or have a certain type of background, but that’s one of the biggest myths about boards in Molina Niño’s experience. What they’re really looking for is expertise — whether that’s in finance, marketing, sustainability, or even technology. If you have that expertise, you’re already an asset. It’s simply a matter of which road you should take.

Understanding what boards are and how they operate is key to unlocking opportunities. For-profit boards serve as the governing body for companies, overseeing direction and financial stability, and guiding CEOs and executives in decision-making. But Molina Niño emphasizes that not all for-profit boards are created equal.

“There are two kinds [of for-profit boards] [...]. There’s the publicly traded business board and then, on the privately held side, there are, I would argue, two types of boards [...] the traditional business board and the venture-backed business board,” explains Molina Niño. Traditional businesses are often family-owned or long-established and may only form boards to meet requirements, like securing financing or transitioning through an ESOP. Venture-backed boards, on the other hand, are typically filled by investors who hold major stakes in the company.

According to Molina Niño, understanding the difference between them is how you can create a successful strategy. With publicly traded business boards, the whole world is privy to them, so, “The way that you get in there is a little bit more transparent. Sometimes those publicly traded companies will hire a recruiter to help them find new board members,” explains Molina Niño. For private companies, on the other hand, there’s no legal requirement to make announcements. As a result, most people don’t know anything about them or their inner workings.

“Usually what happens in traditional businesses that don’t have venture-capital investments is that the Founders, Executives, or the board members, if one existed already, they usually go to their friends,” and people they deem experienced to fill board seats. In other words, it’s the founder’s decision, and that’s an entirely different approach than hiring recruiters. When it comes to venture-backed business boards, the seats on the board are filled by whichever investor writes the biggest check.

This is why an understanding of the different types of boards and acknowledgment of their own strengths is what will help Latinas define a sound strategy. Whether that’s working with a recruiter, networking and connecting with founders to build trust, or making the biggest investment.

The Path for Latinas

For Molina Niño, the key to getting more Latinas into corporate boardrooms is education. Knowing what a board looks like and how it functions is how you can position yourself to get on it. In openly talking about this, without the mystique it’s usually shrouded in, Molina Niño is providing women, especially Latinas, with invaluable insights. “If we had Latinas understanding what are the three types of for-profit boards I think that, on their own, they would be able to figure out what their best chance is and adjust their careers to make themselves more competitive,” states Molina Niño.

When asked about the impact of increased Latina representation in boardrooms, Molina Niño flips the narrative. “Boards don’t help Latinas by offering them seats; Latinas help businesses thrive by being on their boards,” she says. “The whole point of sitting on a board is that you have experience and expertise, and as Latinas, you also have some cultural experience that everyone wants. [...] At the end of the day, we [Latinas] have to realize that we have a ton to offer and we have to be selective about where we put that expertise,” she explains.

As demand for access to the Latina consumer rises, Molina Niño predicts that more Latinas will find themselves recruited into boardrooms. But she’s not content to sit back and wait for that moment. By openly sharing her journey and insights, she’s making sure other Latinas know their worth and have the tools to claim their place at the table. “I realized that quietly being on boards that helped me personally is not helping other Latinas. [...] I was lucky enough to have friends who could advise me and share their experiences, so that’s why I’m doing this,” she stated.

With Hispanic Heritage Month as the backdrop, Nathalie Molina Niño’s mission is clear: “My goal is just to give Latinas enough information so they can make a plan for how to eventually get on a board that they’re paid to be on and that will eventually help them build generational wealth.”

flags of latin american countries fly behind performers wearing culturally traditional clothing

Ever noticed how September in Latin America is just one big celebration? As we wave goodbye to summer and avoid winter as long as we can, the streets come alive with parades, music, and festivities. Many Latin American countries celebrate their freedom this month, commemorating their hard-fought battles for independence from colonial domination. Let’s dive into these significant days and understand what makes each unique.

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