Are You Being Gaslit? 8 Signs to Watch Out For

Sad woman looking in the distance

While the term “gaslighting” is often used jokingly or out of context, it’s important to keep what it means in perspective. The danger of allowing our understanding of certain words to be watered down is a disservice to ourselves. Gaslighting is a disorienting experience and it’s already difficult to realize when it’s happening to you, so it’s important not to lose sight of what it really means. To help you understand if you’re being gaslit by a romantic partner, friend, or even family member, here are 8 signs you should watch out for:


You constantly ask yourself, “Am I too sensitive about this?”

Woman looking confused

Photo by Polina Zimmerman

One of the most insidious aspects of gaslighting is that it makes you doubt your own feelings and perceptions. When someone constantly dismisses your emotions as "too sensitive" or "overreacting," it breaks down your confidence in your own emotional responses and the things you perceive. If someone in your life is constantly making you ask yourself if you’re being too sensitive, chances are you’re being gaslit. This tactic serves to invalidate you and make you feel like your reactions are unreasonable, so you have to remind yourself that you feel a certain way for a reason.

You often feel confused or even “crazy”

Woman of color looking sad

Photo by Alex Green

Gaslighters are very effective at making their victims feel disoriented and unsure of themselves. They might contradict themselves, deny things they've said or done, or spin a completely different version of events. This constant shifting of reality leaves you feeling off-balance and doubting your own memory and sanity. If you often feel confused or get called “crazy” when you have disagreements with someone you know, it’s time to pause and assess how healthy the relationship really is.

You’re the one who’s always apologizing for something

blocks of letters spelling I'm sorry

Photo by Brett Jordan

If you find yourself constantly apologizing, it might be a sign that you're being gaslit. Gaslighters often shift the blame onto their victims, making them feel responsible for any problems or conflicts. This is how they make you believe you’re always in the wrong and you have to apologize. Guilt is a way to keep you submissive, so if you find yourself apologizing most or all of the time, it could be time to assess the relationship.

You know something is wrong but can’t put your finger on it

Woman looking suspicious

Photo by Liza Summer

One of the most confusing aspects of gaslighting is that you constantly feel like something’s wrong, but you don’t know what. Remember that gaslighting makes you question your reality and that can lead to a feeling of unease that never really leaves you. If you feel this way more often than not, trust your instincts. If something feels off, it probably is. Seeking the perspective of a third party you trust could be very helpful when dealing with a gaslighter.

You start lying to avoid trouble

Woman sitting on the floor hiding her face

Photo by Liza Summer

You’re so used to this person criticizing and manipulating you that you might start lying about small things. This kind of behavior is a response to the gaslighting tactics you’ve probably been dealing with. Lying just feels like the best way to protect yourself from the other person trying to distort reality and put you down over something. The problem is that lies often come to the light and it adds to your guilt and sense of confusion even further. The best way to avoid trouble is to cut the gaslighter out of your life.

You frequently make excuses for them

group of block letters

Photo by Brett Jordan

Making excuses for someone's hurtful behavior is a common reaction to gaslighting. You might rationalize their actions by thinking, "They're just stressed," or "They didn't mean it that way." This is a defense mechanism that helps you cope with the cognitive dissonance between your partner's behavior and your perception of them. Recognizing this pattern is essential to breaking free from it!

You have trouble making simple decisions

Blurry woman in front of a chess board in focus

Photo by Engin Akyurt

Gaslighting erodes your self-confidence and decision-making abilities. When you’re always made to doubt everything, you start second-guessing everything in your life. That’s why decisions, even small ones, may start to feel overwhelming. If you find yourself constantly paralyzed when you have to decide something, it could be time to assess your relationship with this person and start reclaiming your power.

You wonder if you’re good enough

Woman looking in the mirror

Photo by Gantas Vaičiulėnas

Ultimately, what gaslighters want is to have control over you. One way to accomplish that goal is to make you feel unworthy so you turn to them for approval. If you’re constantly questioning your worth, especially based on things this person has said to you, you have to affirm your value. You’re worthy and you’re good enough; don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

If you recognize these signs in any kind of relationship in your life, it's important to seek support. Talk to trusted friends or family members, or consult a mental health professional if you need help breaking the cycle. You’re not alone!

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