In The Community
I was inducted into the Catholic faith pretty much straight out of the womb, starting off at this Catholic primary school in Mexico when I was just six years old. I was pure Play-Doh back then, ready to be shaped and molded. There I was, learning the Holy Bible like it was basic arithmetic or the ABCs.
Now, as a kid, you don't exactly have a whole laundry list of "sins" under your belt. Yet, we were herded to the confessional every week and prompted to confess our sins. Often, I'd be at a loss for what to say, and the priest would suggest things like: "Did you raise your voice at your parents? Did you disobey them? Did you think of something mean? That's a sin, too." So, there I was, scavenging through my memories for something, anything, to feel guilty about, confess, and beg forgiveness from God at the ripe age of six.
As I grew, I jumped through all the Catholic hoops. First communion, confirmation, even theology courses. The path to becoming an exemplary Catholic is indeed a long one. In time, I took on the role of a youth pastor, passing on the teachings ingrained in me since childhood to a younger generation of girls: respect and honor your parents unconditionally, remain a virgin until marriage, treat your body like a temple, and as a woman, be submissive and compliant to your man…
As I moved on to college and gained more independence from my parents and the environment I grew up in, I started to experiment with new experiences. Nothing outrageous, just typical teenage activities: flirting with boys, drinking, partying, and sometimes sneaking out on adventures my parents would never have approved of. It's ironic, really – the girls with the most conservative parents turn out to be the sneakiest of the lot. I should know.
But, looking back now, that time in my life feels more sad and uncomfortable than fun and exciting. I wanted to be a normal teen, but the guilt was always there, and boy, was it heavy. Every time I stepped out of line, I was sure God would punish me, perhaps by taking my parents away or making me fall ill. The looming "fear of God" that Catholics preach about became a literal terror for me.
When I first became sexually active, the accompanying guilt was overwhelming. No longer a virgin and unmarried, I felt like I'd let God down, disappointed my parents, and failed myself. Surely no man would want me anymore. I vividly remember crying about it constantly.
Fast forward a couple of years, and I found myself growing apart from the church. No big dramatic reason, just a general feeling of guilt and shame every time I was at church or with my youth group. Eventually, the guilt got so bad I just stopped going – I couldn't bear to be a hypocrite.
So, I distanced myself from it. And the more I walked away, the more I began to see the bigger picture. And it was ugly.
I realized I'd been taught since I was a kid to be perfect in every way – honor my parents, never swear or steal, keep my thoughts pure, avoid 'fake gods' like yoga or horoscopes, follow the rules blindly, never question your faith, always be obedient and submissive, and never try to grow or learn outside of God's teachings.
Love until it hurts. Real love is always painful and hurts: then it is real and pure.
— Mother Teresa
I was led to believe that love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. I was taught that love must hurt. That suffering leads to the purification of the soul. Between popular media bombarding young girls with depictions of unhealthy relationships and a very misguided interpretation of Catholic principles, I fell into very harmful relationships. I had been conditioned to accept this as the norm. After all, the señoras talked about staying with their cheating, abusive husbands. Because love endures all things, right?
Only in the past few years have I learned that there's a name for all these experiences I've been going through. And say what you want about that – some people think we're just making up names for things – but naming it validates your experience and makes it easier for others to share theirs; it helps us define and express this amorphous monster of a thing we've been dealing with for all these years.
The term "Catholic guilt" is widely recognized today to describe a particular feeling of remorse that arises from violating the moral standards ingrained through Catholic upbringing.
For Latina women, the manifestation of Catholic guilt is not merely a theological concept but a sociocultural phenomenon that extends beyond the church's walls and permeates daily life. It intertwines gender expectations, family relationships, community dynamics, and individual self-worth.
The cultural ideal of "marianismo" suggests that women must embody purity, virtue, submissiveness, and self-sacrifice, akin to the Virgin Mary. This ideal puts considerable pressure on Latina women to uphold these standards of morality and virtue. Deviating from these norms can evoke feelings of guilt rooted in both cultural and religious contexts—emotions that I haven't been able to shake off, even though I abandoned Catholicism more than 10 years ago.
Many Latina women often bear the burden of preserving the family's honor and moral standing. This responsibility can engender Catholic guilt associated with behaviors or thoughts that deviate from the church's teachings, such as premarital sex, divorce, abortion, or even questioning the religious doctrine itself. You must not waver in your faith.
I cannot stress enough how heavily the weight of Catholic guilt can influence a woman's self-perception. It can induce feelings of inadequacy due to the impossible task of upholding an idealized and frankly unattainable standard of morality and purity. Guilt can also play a role in a woman's struggle with her personal identity, particularly if she identifies as LGBTQ+, a status still stigmatized in both the Catholic Church and many Latine communities, sometimes leading to internalized homophobia.
This ever-present feeling of guilt can be detrimental to mental health, resulting in issues like anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. The fact is, many of us are introduced to the Catholic faith almost as soon as we are born, baptized, and sent to Sunday school. So these teachings and feelings of guilt become deeply rooted in our sense of being.
As we acknowledge these experiences, we empower ourselves and others to open up about their struggles and seek healing. It’s vital for mental health professionals to recognize and understand the nuances of Catholic guilt in Latina women, offering culturally competent care and support, yet not many do.
By recognizing and naming my experience, I've found it easier to share my story with other women who face similar struggles. My hope is that, through open conversations and mutual understanding, we can begin to break free from guilt, embrace our individuality, and respect our autonomy in making informed choices. Only then can we find the freedom to heal and redefine our relationships with faith, culture, and ourselves.
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Experts in science and mental health have consistently shown that a person's mental well-being is largely shaped by their environment, lifestyle, and other factors. Beyond this, there are deeply ingrained social constructs rooted in cultural norms, such as machismo and marianismo. While many might be familiar with the concept of "machismo," "marianismo" might be less understood. How do they differ?
It's important to know that a person's mental health can be significantly influenced by these factors, especially within the Latine community, where mental health is still a topic shrouded in stigma. Both machismo and marianismo, although different, can contribute to negative mental health outcomes for individuals within the Latine community. These cultural norms not only perpetuate harmful beliefs and behaviors but also lead to societal shaming of those who attempt to break away and challenge these detrimental patterns.
What is machismo and marianismo?
Photo by Fa Barboza on UnsplashMachismo is a social construct that promotes exaggerated masculinity, or the traits that are often attributed to masculinity, such as dominance and aggression. Machismo is also an ideology that deems women inferior to men and promotes the denial of women from participating in work or lifestyles that are associated with power or independence in any way. This can include everyday behaviors such as the ability to drive a car or manage money. It promotes the marginalization of women and, in doing so, ultimately harms men themselves.
Machismo is often preceded by marianismo, a term we don't hear about as often, but that plays a role in the execution of machismo as a belief system within society and, more specifically, Latino culture.
Marianismo is a twisted perception of the female gender as a one-dimensional being with specific characteristics often attributed to feminity, such as self-sacrifice, sexual purity, taking care of others, morality, subordination, and self-silencing.
Connected with both machismo beliefs and those of the Roman Catholic Church, marianismo also promotes the idea that women are spiritually superior to men and should therefore be a pillar of spiritual strength within the family. Furthermore, it leads to the belief that seeking help from a mental health professional goes against religion as there's difficulty secularizing human needs from religious convictions.
Political Scientist Evelyn P. Stevens wrote an essay on the subject. She points out that sometimes, women cling to this role and continue to teach machismo ideals to their sons, daughters, grandchildren, etc. While this may be more of a generalized take, as Latina women have certainly evolved, we can't deny that we still see these behaviors in modern society.
How do machismo and marianismo impact mental health?
Photo by Joice Kelly on UnsplashSo, how are machismo and marianismo directly related to poor mental health in the Latino community? Both of these systems promote ideas that put a human being into a box or pedestal that's hard to get out of.
For machismo, the idea that a man should be "stronger" both mentally and physically makes it hard to express emotions and, furthermore, accept the need for help and vocalize it. Marianismo, on the other hand, promotes the acceptance of toxic behaviors from the woman's side.
When put side by side, it's as simple as a man that believes they can and should assert power over women either physically or emotionally, who will more often than not use that power to harm them. A woman with a marianismo belief system will believe they need to accept this behavior, which will result in emotional manipulation, physical abuse, anxiety, depression, or even suicide on both parts.
This study by the US National System of Health revealed that "specific components of machismo and marianismo were associated with higher levels of negative cognitions and emotions after adjusting for socio-demographic factors."How does it affect people through various developmental processes?
Photo by Sebastián León Prado on UnsplashFrom the early stages of development, when their parents or caregivers teach a child different behaviors and beliefs, a child can be affected by machismo and marianismo, both from learned behaviors (seeing how the member of their family interact) and from directly being taught these ideologies. We often see this happen in our community when a boy is told, "don't cry, boys don't cry," or when a girl is told, "don't be too loud," "be a lady."
And as these children grow into teenagers and young adults, it turns into "it's normal for him to get angry and get into fights, boys will be boys" and "that skirt is too short, go change." These children turn into active members of society when they turn into adults, and they can either continue to perpetuate these ideologies or fight against them, regardless, the harmful impact on their mental health is made, and they must now actively try to better themselves by seeking professional help and breaking toxic cycles.
What can we do to take action against machismo and marianismo?
We have to be aware and shine a light on these issues, educating ourselves and then our families so that toxic generational cycles can be broken and mental health can finally be destigmatized in the Latine community. It is important to promote mental health so that our loved ones and other members of the community don't have to suffer in silence
Mental Health Resources
This article, created by Mental Health America, will navigate through various statistics, learning material, and resources to seek professional help. Here are a few of the many you will find:
- Therapy for Latinx: national mental health resource for the Latine community; provides resources for the Latine community to heal, thrive, and become advocates for their own mental health.Therapist Directory
- Latinx Therapy: breaking the stigma of mental health related to the Latine community; learn self-help techniques, how to support self & others.
- The Focus on You: self-care, mental health, and inspirational blog run by a Latina therapist.
If you or somebody you know is thinking about suicide or is in severe emotional distress, please contact:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
- Call 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)
- Use the online Lifeline Crisis Chat
Both are free and confidential. You’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor in your area.
For more information, visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
You can also connect 24/7 to a crisis counselor by texting the Crisis Text or texting HOME to 741741.
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I grew up being told, “you can’t do that because you’re a girl,” or “your brother can because he’s a boy,” and I hated hearing that. It’s been something that has tormented me my entire life.
When I was a teenager, my younger brother was allowed to play outside, and I wasn’t. When I went anywhere, I had to be “chaperoned” by my younger male cousins. I grew up frustrated and even wrote research papers about conflicting gender roles in college, but it wasn’t until an interaction that I had recently that I came to the realization that…my mom is a machista.
Can Women be Machistas?
Someone who adheres to machismo believes that women are inferior to men. Women who are machistas don’t have a problem upholding patriarchy, because they believe women are innately inferior to men. They may believe women need to show deference to their spouses because “es el hombre el que manda.”
What does it look like when a woman upholds patriarchy and is a machista? You’ve probably seen it: It looks like women place more value on the opinions, thoughts, and lives of men than women. It is having higher expectations and holding women to different standards than men. It is assuming that men “should” be in charge, because that’s just the way it is. They may believe that women shouldn’t live in the public domain or that male leaders are better than female leaders.
Or they may wonder why women are marching in the streets and ask, “what are you protesting about now? Why are you being so loud?”
They may say, “I’m not going to say anything, porque ‘calladita me veo más bonita.’” Machista women just want you to put your head down and stay in your lane, which is the lane where you’re not a rabble-rouser demanding equal rights.
Women who are machistas listen to men more, they value their opinion more. A woman’s opinion or expertise doesn’t carry the same weight, simply because it is a woman who has it.
If you were raised by a mother who is a machista, you were probably raised in a house that had two sets of rules. You were taught that there were certain things that men can do, and that women cannot. It is two sets of rules for the same action.
For example, one set of rules celebrates when a Latino boy has sex for the first time, but also demands at all costs that their daughters don’t have sex with anyone. Latino boys grow up to be celebrated for their sexual exploits, and Latinas are expected to remain chaste, and not meter la pata, which is a euphemism many of us grew up with meaning “don’t get knocked up.”
If you’re the daughter of immigrants, chances are you have probably heard things growing up about gender roles that made you roll your eyes. Like me, you probably thought that our parents were adhering to and just trying to pass along the societal gender norms that they grew up with.
Our Immigrant Moms – Upholding the Patriarchy
Our mothers’ generation, women who were born and grew up in Latin America, and who immigrated to the United States as adults, think, sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously, that by nature, they are meant to depend on men, that men should provide for women, that the home is the “woman’s domain” and that men and sons are “de la calle” and women and girls are “de la casa.”
Our immigrant moms have internalized misogyny, and that is what makes them, much of the time unconsciously, prefer men and dislike women who feel like they should have a place in a family or in society that is at equal standing with men. This is a product of the social environment and patriarchal society they grew up in.
I don’t say this lightly because it is hard to admit that the women who have given birth to us live with an unconscious bias and prejudice against women, even if those women are their daughters.
How Religion Influences our Latina Mothers’ View of Women
It may be true that many women of a certain generation uphold the patriarchy and live with internalized misogyny, but for our Latina mothers, it is deeper than simple “patriarchy.” It is also rooted in religion– and the more religious your mother is, the more deeply ingrained these thoughts will be.
Machismo goes hand in hand with marianismo, which has its roots in Roman Catholicism and the Virgin Mary. Marinismo makes us think that we need to live up to the ideal of the Virgin Mary, and strive to be chaste, moral, and willing to give up everything for one’s family– submissiveness, selflessness, chastity, hyper-femininity, and acceptance of machismo in males – these are the characteristics that make marianismo so hurtful to Latinas– and these are all characteristics that so many of us are taught as we are growing up.
So, Latina daughters (that’s you and me) are being compared to the VIRGIN MARY; an impossible standard. Not only is this impossible, it’s also unhealthy and exhausting. It’s exhausting because we are taught to be caretakers and the responsible ones all the time, for everyone.
It’s exhausting because Latina daughters are held to a different standard than Latino sons. We are expected to take care of ourselves, our kids, our own homes, and have enough time and energy to take care of everyone else.
We are expected to look good (because our mamás will also have comments about our physical appearance), and we are expected to have a well-kept house (because our mamás will make comments about that too), and we are expected to have hijos bien portados (kids who are well-behaved) because if they aren’t well behaved, that will surely look bad on you — we are expected to do ALL THE THINGS.
And what are Latinx sons expected to do? Show up and eat the food–maybe take out the trash, or change a light bulb. Even when a husband or son is around, the Latina daughters are expected to “serve them the food.” A Latina mom will expect more of the daughters, because caretaking is “our job,” and we are “nurturers by nature.”
How a New Generation of Latinas can End Machismo
We have to actively fight against our mothers speaking to our children in a way that upholds patriarchal views.
We cringe when we hear the machista words come out of their mouths, especially to our kids, like when they say to our daughters, las niñas no hacen eso (girls don’t do that) or “boys don’t cry/wear pink/insert gender-based stereotype here.” We have to call it out in real-time.
I’ve had to explain that we don’t say, “don’t climb on top of the bed because girls don’t do that.” Rather, we say, “don’t climb on top of the bed because you can fall and hurt yourself.” There shouldn’t be anything gendered about climbing on top of the bed.
We Need to Set Boundaries
I know this is hard because we are taught that we should be respectful and always be “servicial” which basically means being the Latina daughter who takes care of ALL THE THINGS FOR ALL THE PEOPLE.
But it’s time for boundaries y’all.
We can respectfully decline, and respectfully ask other people to step up, or ask others to respect that you are no longer doing x, y, or z. We can be respectful in such a way that we clearly state what we don’t want to pass along to our own children. This is the generation that has the power to break down so many cultural expectations that hurt ourselves and our children, both sons, and daughters.
Latino Sons and Men Need to Step Up — as siblings, spouses, and fathers.
They should take active roles as sons and husbands. If they are dads, they should be leading by example at home. Children will internalize what they see. If a child sees their father doing chores, treating women with respect, and having respectful interactions with women, they will learn that. If they see men and dads valuing the partners in their lives as equals, they will learn to do the same. But if they uphold patriarchy by their actions and words– children will internalize that as well.
We Can Be the Change
There is so much responsibility in raising our children to be the next generation that we must actively work to break down those systems that we grew up with, even if that means upsetting our mamás, or drawing criticism from older generations who may be quick to judge.
I can’t say it will be easy– it will most likely be messy and painful– because it requires us to call out our family members who we love the most. But, for our own sake, for our children, and our children’s children, it’s the kind of work that we must do now so that our kids– both sons and daughters– can live to their fullest potential, and let their entire selves shine without fear of being called “too bossy” or being told to keep quiet.
Even if our mamás get mad at us, it is the work that we must do. If your mother is like mine, she might light a candle and pray the rosary for you, but in the end, it is for their grandchildren that we are breaking these outdated ways that no longer belong in this world– it is a struggle that many of our ancestors fought, and one that we can make a reality.
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