In The Community
Growing up as the eldest Latina daughter in my family was a badge of honor. It was a role drenched in tradition, expectation, and responsibility. From a young age, I was conditioned to prioritize everyone else's needs before my own. "La mayor tiene que dar el ejemplo,” mom would often remind me. This familial expectation, combined with the cultural norm of putting family above all else, sowed the seeds of my people-pleasing tendencies.
People pleasing wasn’t just about being agreeable; it became a way of life. A constant endeavor to maintain harmony, to ensure everyone was happy, and to avoid any hint of conflict. On the surface, this might sound noble, even selfless. But over time, it became a heavy cloak that weighed down on my mental health.
Here’s a glimpse into the mind of a chronic people pleaser: Every "yes" feels like a silent victory, while every "no" feels like a personal failure. There's a constant fear of disappointing others, an unending desire to be liked, and a relentless pursuit of validation. All this, often at the cost of my own happiness, needs, and desires.
In the early days, I believed that the love and respect I received from my family were directly proportional to my ability to cater to their needs. But as I grew older, I began to notice the strain this was causing. I was emotionally exhausted, always second-guessing my decisions, and often felt like a hollow version of myself.
Navigating the waters of cultural expectations and familial roles as the eldest daughter often comes with hidden currents of emotional manipulation. Within many Latino families, there's an unspoken code that binds us to a legacy of care, sacrifice, and duty. While many of these expectations are rooted in love and tradition, they can sometimes be wielded as tools of emotional leverage.
The pressure to conform can be intense, and any deviation might be met with feelings of guilt, shame, or the dreaded label of being "ungrateful." It's a delicate balance, understanding where genuine concern ends and manipulative tactics begin. I grappled with this intersection, often questioning if my choices stemmed from authentic desire or were the result of subtle emotional coercion.
One evening, after an emotionally draining family gathering where I once again found myself bending over backward to ensure everyone else's happiness, I had an epiphany. Was it really worth it? Was it truly my responsibility to bear the weight of everyone else’s contentment? That night, I took a deep look within and realized that the respect I sought from others needed to start with self-respect.
Recovery wasn’t immediate. It was, and still is, a journey. I had to unlearn the age-old belief that my worth was tied to my ability to please. I had to confront the deeply ingrained fear of being perceived as "selfish" or "ungrateful." I had to learn to set boundaries. And more importantly, I had to constantly remind myself that it's okay to prioritize my own needs.
Recognizing my people-pleasing tendencies was my first step toward healing. It wasn't just about seeing them, but understanding them—acknowledging the patterns, the triggers, and the barrage of emotions that came with every "yes" I forced out and every "no" I swallowed. With this self-awareness came the need to place myself at the forefront, not as a sign of arrogance or neglect of my loved ones, but as a necessary act of self-preservation.
But how does one prioritize self-care in a culture that often equates personal time with selfishness? For me, it started with small acts. Taking an afternoon to immerse myself in a good movie, going for a walk all by myself, or even just allowing myself to decline an invitation without the weight of guilt. Slowly, these small affirmations of my worth began to build into a newfound respect for my own well-being.
However, untangling years of ingrained behavior wasn’t something I could manage alone. Seeking therapy became my refuge. Through sessions filled with introspection, I was provided with tools and perspectives that allowed me to see my value outside of my role as the perpetual pleaser, learn the significance of boundaries and the beauty of assertiveness.
Being the eldest Latina daughter shaped me in countless ways, both challenging and rewarding. I cherish the values, resilience, and love I inherited. However, understanding the importance of breaking free from the chains of people-pleasing has been instrumental for my genuine happiness and mental well-being.
Remember, prioritizing yourself isn’t selfish; it's essential. We can only share genuine love and happiness with the world when we first find it within ourselves.
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Leading Latina astrologist Jasmin Alejandrez-Prasad, better known as Esoteric Esa, is dropping a new affirmation deck, and her efforts to decolonize brujería are more focused than ever. The goal of the “Malas Palabras” affirmation deck is to empower Latinas to embrace taboo thoughts and all those “bad words” that we’re discouraged from saying or have been downright shamed for speaking.
Affirmation decks are cards that feature an uplighting or empowering sentence to encourage meditation and reflection. For many brujas and spiritual Latinas, affirmation decks are an important daily ritual and meditation practice.
Many people report that working with affirmation decks offers a quick boost of motivation, allowing you to tap into that chingona energy within. They encourage reflection and also offer a message that resonates within you, allowing you to integrate it into your thoughts and actions. More often than not, affirmation decks are focused on self-love, personal growth, emotional well-being, and more.
Esoteric Esa is taking a different approach, providing intentional affirmations that reframe dirty language into expressions of empowerment and anti-colonial resistance. The “Malas Palabras” affirmation deck contains 30 cards that explore themes like ancestral healing, sexual liberation, shadow work, and abundance mindset.
Luz got in touch with Esoteric Esa via email about her motivation behind the deck, and she shared, “I created this deck to remind those who are on their decolonial spiritual and healing journey that the process can be lighthearted. Oftentimes, we look at decolonial work and healing as very serious or intensive, which it is at times. However, it's also okay to own your darkness because those sides of our identities serve a purpose as well. I want us to understand the power of our words, and how even bad words or phrases with negative stigma can be used for a high vibrational purpose when manifesting.”
The fact is that when you have been silenced or told to watch your words enough times, censoring yourself becomes second nature. This affirmation deck says “To hell with that!” and it invites you to hold space for yourself, speak your truth without filter, and manifest in a way that’s authentic to you. Enough of bending yourself into shapes you’re not meant to be in.
With the “Malas Palabras” affirmation deck, Esoteric Esa reminds you of a simple truth: your words are your power, and they are self-induced spells, so you should be using them to craft your own empowering narrative. This deck is a guide to do exactly that while transforming language for decolonial power.
If you’ve been hesitant to step into your bruja self, know that that’s colonization at work. To break from that, it’s important to honor ancestral traditions and practice your spirituality to connect with the universal consciousness, which is a distinct source of power. Embracing brujería with this perspective can guide you with greater purpose and help you dismantle the internalized biases that keep you away from beneficial practices.
The “Malas Palabras” affirmation deck is a great way to either dip your toes into or further your spiritual practice. Instead of denying taboo thoughts and shying away from bad words, this deck will help you embrace them and their power to become the baddie you know you should be.
Moreover, supporting a spiritual creator of color that truly represents your cultural background and identity is an additional important aspect. New Age decks made by white creators, whether that’s tarot or affirmations, completely ignore the nuances of our experiences as Latinos.
As Esoteric Esa puts it, “I wanted to create a place of intersectionality for the mixed Latines and those who have a lot of shame for not being ‘enough’ when it comes to the approval of Latinidad. This deck is rooted in smearing perfectionism, which is something I find often in New Age and White spiritual spaces.” She went on to emphasize that she intentionally incorporated Spanglish as an acknowledgment that not all Latinos are completely bilingual.
By prioritizing decks created by people of color, we not only support diverse voices within the spiritual community but also affirm the validity of our own cultural narratives. We reclaim our agency in shaping the spiritual landscape, ensuring that our stories, words, symbols, and traditions are honored and celebrated in their truest form.
When asked what she wants people to gain from this deck, she said, “Those who work with them will learn how to embody their energy from an authentically unapologetic mindset even further. That's a very powerful place to manifest from, and incorporating these cards will help many rework through guilt and shame from Patriarchal colonial harm by exploring taboo topics from religious sexual oppression to mental health. The community can expect a fun and quirky introspective approach when integrating these into their spiritual practice. Especially since each card offers a tip as a journal prompt exercise to work with the power of the phrases more intimately.”
In the space of spiritualism and brujería, Esoteric Esa is one of the most respected voices in our community. She publishes in and contributes to major national outlets, including Cosmopolitan, PopSugar, Refinery29, and Bustle, among others. This new product reflects her values and core mission, which is to decolonize brujería and help Latinas shift their mindset for unapologetic, authentic transformation.
“Malas Palabras” Affirmation Deck
Esoteric Esa
If you’re ready to speak the unthinkable, you can find the “Malas Palabras” affirmation deck here, ready for pre-order.
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We all have the same 24 hours in a day, but sometimes it feels like life’s game is set on “hard mode.” Between family, work, and that yoga class you swore you'd stick to, finding time can feel like searching for that tiny earring back you dropped on the floor. (Why is it always so hard to find?), but with a sprinkle of wisdom and organization, everything is possible.
Here are seven time management tips that can hopefully help you navigate through the chaos:
Prioritize Like a Boss
Every day comes with its share of tasks, and let’s be real, some are more important than others. The first step is to identify what truly deserves your attention. Maybe it's that school project you’ve been procrastinating on for days or finally fixing the bathroom sink. Write down each and every one of your tasks, big and small, and rank them focusing on what is more urgent and important. You can even use the Eisenhower Box method to help divide them. Once you know what's top-tier, it becomes much easier to allocate your energy effectively. You'll be surprised how much time you save when you know what to focus on.
Batch it up
Just like how you organize your favorite playlists or photo albums, group similar tasks together. For instance, instead of responding to emails sporadically throughout the day, designate specific blocks of time for them. This technique, known as batching, cuts down on the mental chaos that comes from constantly shifting gears between different activities and can help maximize your efficiency (and potentially avoid feeling overwhelmed!)
The Pomodoro Technique
This time management technique consists of setting a timer for 25 minutes and working without distraction. Once the timer goes off, take a 5-minute break. After four cycles, take a longer break. And during your break, how about doing something you love? Maybe put on your favorite song, enjoy a cup of café con leche, or just do some deep breathing exercises. Especially beneficial for those with ADHD who might find prolonged focus challenging, this method combines diligence with a moment of relaxation. It's all about work and play!
Say "No" More Often
This is a tough one, especially if you're the kind who hates to let anyone down or is prone to FOMO. But stretching yourself too thin doesn't do anyone any favors. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize yourself and your goals. By not overcommitting, you ensure better quality in what you undertake and reduce unnecessary stress.
Use Technology Wisely
With smartphones practically glued to our hands, why not use them to our advantage? Organization and time management apps like Todoist, Trello, or even Google Calendar can be lifesavers. Set reminders (as many as you need to), create lists, or block out your day hour-by-hour. Technology is your friend—embrace it!
Delegate When You Can
You know the saying, "It takes a village"? Well, sometimes managing your time means leaning on that village. Sometimes managing your time means leaning on others. Maybe it's collaborating with a colleague on a task or asking family members to help with chores. Delegating doesn't mean you're avoiding responsibility; it means you're working smarter.
Self-care Isn't a Luxury
Last but not least, make time for yourself. This isn't just about face masks and spa days, though those are great too. It's about setting aside time to do things that genuinely recharge your soul, whether it’s spending some quality time with the people you love or a quiet evening all by yourself. Listening to yourself and giving your mind a break is an essential part of time management.
Time management isn't about packing more into your day; it's about making the most of the moments you have. And with a dash of strategy and a sprinkle of self-awareness, you'll be mastering the minutes in no time.
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